Golden News
Volume 17, Number 31 - Monday 26 January 2004
The official bulletin of the Rotary Club of Kowloon Golden Mile is published
most Mondays and is distributed to all club members, District officials and
to "friends of KGM".


Winner "Best English Language Bulletin" in District 3450, 2001/2002

This Week's Meeting:
 
 
Kung Hei Fat Choy to all Golden News readers for a happy, healthy and prosperous Year of the Monkey.
 
Our guest speaker this week is Mr. Graham Uden and the topic is "IRAQ: Weapons Of Mass Deception" (see Golden Smile for "Breaking News").
 
 
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From Under The Kitchen Sink:
Our spy in the Holiday Inn kitchen, Vincent "The Galloping Gourmet" Lam, informs us that this week's fare is Chinese food, namely assorted dim sum platter, sautéed garoupa with celery & pine nuts, braised bean curb with mushrooms in oyster sauce, sweet & sour chicken, braised bamboo shoots with black mushrooms, diced vegetables, fried rice and finally Chinese petits fours.
 
 

Milestones:


Birthday greetings for:

Nobody. There are no KGM members celebrating a birthday in the last week of January.
 
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KGM Induction Anniversary Greetings, go out to:
 
Once again, nobody. There are no KGM members celebrating an induction anniversary in the last week of January.
 
 
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Errata:
In last week's issue we paid tribute to PP Hans Schult, however we incorrectly stated it was the 5th anniversary of his passing. As PP Hans passed away on 19 January 1998, it was actually the 6th anniversary. We apologise for the error.
 
 

Semi-Annual Dues - Final Notice:
 
Yes folks, it's time once again to pay your dues of $1,500 for the period 1 January to 30 June 2004, and you have TWO payment options:

1) By cash handed directly to KGM Treasurer Rajiv "Show Me The Money" Makhija;
 
2) By cheque payable to "Rotary Club of Kowloon Golden Mile" mailed to P.O. Box 98129, Tsimshatsui, Kowloon.
 
If you elect to pay by cheque, remember to clearly write your name on the back of the cheque, because our overworked and unpaid Treasurer doesn't always know which company name belongs to which member (other than, say, Soldier Of Fortune Limited, which we all know is owned by PP M.V. "Rambo" Ramadasan).

Also please note that we've cancelled the former "PayPal" facility because most of our members are Internet-impaired.

Some members also have a problem with PMS (this includes a few female members too).
 
 

Fellowship News - Last Call (we think):


OK, here's the thing. Our old mate Vincent "The Galloping Gourmet" Lam says that the next fellowship will definitely still be held at the critically acclaimed Gaia Restaurant (a member of the Va Bene Group), on Saturday 31 January 2004, and that the owner of Gaia, renown restauranteur Pino Piano wants to attend to us personally, but that's all we know.
 
We have no idea of the time or the cost, so just turn up sometime this Saturday, bring money, and tell 'em using your best Tony Soprano impersonation: "Yo, Vinny Da Lam sent me for some spaghetti and mozza balls. Badabing. Fugetaboutit".
 
 

2004 Annual Ball - Reminder:
 
 
Yes folks, it's back. The world famous KGM Annual Ball, which was cancelled last year due to SARS, will be held from 7:00 p.m. Saturday 28 February at the Grand Hyatt Hotel.
 
This year's theme is "Putting On The Ritz" (as in "Ritz Hotel", not "Ritz Crackers"), and tickets remain reasonably priced at $1,200 per head, which gets you an all-inclusive cocktail hour, a typically excellent six course meal from the Grand Hyatt, free wine all evening long, fun contests, fantastic entertainment, dancing until the wee hours of the morning plus dozens of fabulous prizes to be won.
 
What a great deal - why not organise a table of ten (10) or more for your family, friends and business associates?
 
And, as usual, The Dictator (who has an electronic "kill switch"), ensures that speeches and other formalities are limited to 12 minutes in total, regardless of how many speakers there are, so you and your guests won't nod off in your soup. Remember our Annual Ball is a "FUN raising" event, not a Rotary Information Seminar.
 
Chairman of the Annual Ball is once again our old mate and PE2B Elissa "Babushka" Cohen, who can be contacted on telephone 9481 8378.

 

District 3450 Events:
 

For those of you who may wonder if The Phantom is being unfair in his constant criticism of the way District 3450 operates, consider the following.
 
1. District Election Brouhaha: As most of you already know, a committee was appointed to decide who would be District Governor Nominee for the 2005/2006 Rotary Year. One of the two candidates was selected, but the other decided to mount a challenge, so this means each club gets to directly vote for one candidate or the other. OK, I think the system is broken and we should eliminate the committee altogether and go directly to a club vote in order to avoid all the unpleasantness, but that's for another day. It's now club voting time.

So, how does our beloved District allocate votes? Each club gets one vote for every 25 members or "major fraction thereof" (i.e. for every 13 additional members). This means that the RC of Poker Night with 7 members gets 1 vote, and KGM with 57 members gets 2 votes. Hmmmm. So, KGM has 8 times the membership but only 2 times the vote, huh?

2. District Dues: Ah, but when it comes to forking over our hard earned and increasingly difficult to raise money to enable our District Divas to put on their dog 'n' pony shows, they have a different formula. Yes Sir. Suddenly each club is expected to pay District dues on a "per capita" basis, so RC of Poker Night with 7 members pays 7 shares but KGM with 57 members pays 57 shares. Sounds reasonable, right? Dream on, Bubba.

And, in case you're wondering, the District dues are $1,050 per head, so KGM forks out $60,000 a year, which is 33% of what KGM collects from members in dues each year. In other words, of the $3,000 we collect from each KGM member each year, $1,000 goes straight to the District coffers.
 
And what do we get for our money? Don't get me started on that because this will become the Mother Of All Bulletins.
 
Anyway, The Phantom cannot wait for the next District invoice for District dues to be presented to the BOD by KGM Treasurer Rajiv "Please Don't Shoot Me, I'm Only The Messenger" Makhija. If you think the fireworks over Hong Kong harbour during the Chinese New Year were spectacular, well, you ain't see nothin' yet.

There's gonna be Big Trouble In Little China.
 
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In the meantime, here's what's coming up on the District Calendar:
  • District Tennis Tournament, Part 1/2, Sunday 22 February 2004 - details
  • District Tennis Tournament, Part 2/2, Sunday 7 March 2004 - details
 

Rotary International News:
 
 
Last Call:  RI President Jonathan Majiyagbe has chosen Manila as the venue for one of his Presidential Celebrations, which will be held on Saturday 31 January 2004 at the Shangri-La Hotel, Makati, Philippines - details.
 
Repeat: The RI Council On Legislation meets again in 2004 - download the latest proposals.
 
Repeat: Read the January issue of "The Rotarian" magazine - online.
 

In other RI news:
 
1. Learn about the various Rotary International Programs on the RI website - details.
 
2. Read all about the ongoing plans for the RI Centennial in 2005 - details.

3. Visit the website of Rotary International President Jonathan Majiyagbe - details.
 
4. Read about the 95th Rotary International Convention in Osaka from 23-26 May, 2004 - new website.

 
 

Rotary Information: 
 

Every Rotarian an Example to Youth: In 1949, the RI Board adopted the slogan "Every Rotarian an Example to Youth" as an expression of commitment to children and youth in each community in which Rotary clubs exist. Serving young people has long been an important part of the Rotary program.
 
Youth service projects take many forms around the world. Rotarians sponsor Boy Scout and Girl Scout troops, athletic teams, centers for disabled children, school safety patrols, summer camps, orphanages, recreation areas, safe driving clinics, county fairs, child care centers, and children's hospitals. Many clubs provide vocational counseling, establish youth employment programs, and promote use of The 4-Way Test. Increasingly, drug & alcohol abuse prevention and AIDS awareness projects are being supported by Rotarians.
 
In every instance, Rotarians have an opportunity to be role models and mentors for the young people of their community. One learns to serve by observing others. As our youth grow to become adult leaders, it is hoped each will achieve that same desire and spirit to serve future generations.
 
The slogan accepted over 50 years ago is just as vital today. .
 
 

Geek Speak:
 

The Geek is still recovering from an excess of Mai Tais consumed during the Chinese New Year festivities, so he's in no condition to give any advice.

However he did mumble grumpily something about reminding KGM members to check the Snopes website before forwarding idiotic emails involving restaurants which reputedly offer dead babies on the menu, Bill Gates wanting to send you money, viruses which can take over what little brain matter you might have and other such nonsense.

I think next year we should give him Pina Coladas ...............without the Pina or the Das.
 
 

Who Am I?
 

What at is the more common name of (deceased) British born horror movie actor William Henry Pratt ?

Clue: Frank N. Stein.
 
The answer appears at the bottom of this issue.
 
 

Golden Smile: 
 

Breaking News: At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
 
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval evil with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are three sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.
 
Asked to comment, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I'm gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."
 
President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scale never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor in random facts of vertex."
 
Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle that he is uncertain of: although they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."
 
 

Quotable Quotes:

 
"If you don't do it excellently, don't do it at all. If it's not excellent, it won't be profitable or fun, and if you're not in business for profit or fun, what the hell are you doing there?".

Robert Townsend
 
 

Bumper Sticker Of The Week:
 
 



 
 
                               
If you want to save the bumper sticker for use in email or on a website, put your mouse pointer over the top, right-click, and select "Save Picture As".


 The Phantom
 
Who Am I answer: Boris Karloff.

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