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Golden News
Volume 17, Number 27 - Monday 29 December
2003
The official bulletin of the Rotary
Club of Kowloon Golden Mile is published
most Mondays and is distributed to all club members, District officials and other "friends of KGM". Winner "Best English Language Bulletin" in District 3450, 2001/2002 This Week's Meeting:
 Actually there's no meeting this week because it's
New Year's Eve and, well, we
know you need time to prepare yourself for the evening's
festivities.
Nevertheless we had an incredible turnout at last week's meeting held on Christmas Eve, where we had 63 people including members, partners, parents, children and KGM Rotaractors in attendance - truly a KGM family affair. The Crystal Room was buzzing with excitement in anticipation of the arrival of Santa and his huge bag of goodies for the kids, at least half of whom we suspect were sired by Brian "Want A Lollipop?" Hodgson. However even before Santa (who bore a remarkable
resemblance to John "The Crusher"
Hirsch), waddled into the room, we were entertained by the
beautiful & talented Nicole
Tung, daughter of PP
Ebe & Sam "Spade"
Tung, who sang one of her own compositions for us while
she played her guitar.
Sadly our Web Monster, who suffers from what surgeons
have diagnosed as "Abject Stupidity", didn't recognise Nicole, and he
thought it was rather rude of "the Filipino singer from Hari's Bar"
not to respond to his questions in broken Tagalog. Then again, knowing
that dirty old man, he probably avoided yet another slap in the
face.
Anyway, Nicole's performance was followed by a Puppet
Story Theatre, performed by a horde of gorgeous ankle biters under
the direction of the long-suffering Jane
Hodgson, after which the kids then joined Nicole in
singing "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" (Chipmunk version).
Of course our Fearless Leader President Patricia "Iron Lady" Blair
(pictured above), gave us her "Xmas Message from Number 10", as she
presided over the lunch with elegance & dignity, fuelled by an
intravenous supply of rum-laced eggnog.
In any case, it's been yet another terrific year for KGM,
and Mrs. Phantom & I wish all KGM members and their families a happy,
healthy & prosperous New Year.
Milestones: Birthday greetings for: 29 December to Ashok "Captain" Kirpalani who shares his birthday with actor Jon Voight. 30
December to Ashok "Ahh-So"
Assomull, who shares his birthday with golfer Tiger
Woods.
1 January to Kishu "Bless You" Chotrani, who shares his
birthday with actor Verne "Mini-Me" Troyer. ++++++
There are no KGM Induction Anniversary greetings this
week, but here's some membership trivia for you.
The average age of our
members is 45 but, if we take PP Louis
"Trailwalker" Thomas out of the calculation, the average
age drops to only 33.
Semi-Annual Dues - 2nd Reminder: Yes folks, it's time once again
to pay your dues of $1,500 for the period 1
January to 30 June 2004, and you have TWO payment options:
1) By cash handed directly to KGM Treasurer Rajiv "Show Me The Money" Makhija; 2) By cheque payable to "Rotary Club of Kowloon Golden
Mile" mailed to P.O.
Box 98129, Tsimshatsui, Kowloon.
If you elect to pay by cheque, remember to clearly write your name on the back of the cheque,
because our overworked and unpaid Treasurer doesn't always know which
company name belongs to which member (other than, say, Peanuts
Limited, which we all know is owned by PE2B
Elissa "Babushka" Cohen).
Also please note that we've cancelled the former "PayPal" facility because most of our members are Internet-impaired. Some members also have hairy toes (this includes a few male members too). Community Service News: Our old mate and Community
Service Director Miranda "King"
Kong continues to work tirelessly for us, eventhough she
has a terrible headache from way too much eggnog and hubby Tony endlessly singing Christmas
songs in the shower and using up all the hot water.
Anyway, despite her haze,
Miranda has arranged for KGM to assist the Hong Kong branch of Crossroads International to settle into
their new premises at the former army barracks at Perowne, opposite the
Gold Coast in Tuen Mun. More details are
available on their new dedicated "Help Us Settle In"
website.
Basically they need a bunch of
enthusiastic warm bodies with reasonable hand-eye coordination to help
paint, clean, scrub, repair, build, demolish, carry, garden, answer
phones, take out the trash, put the toilet seat up, make cups of tea
or Margueritas etc., while professionals undertake other
critical tasks such as plumbing, electrical work, tiling, glazing and so
on.
The Volunteer Day is from 10:00
a.m. and 5:00 p.m. on Saturday 10 January
2004 and, if you're willing and able to assist, please
contact Miranda by telephone on 9199
3077
ASAP. Fellowship News:
Well the rumours keep coming, and the latest news from the "What the hell are we gonna do for fellowship in January" camp is that our next fellowship will be held at the critically acclaimed Gaia Restaurant (a member of the Va Bene Group, owned by renown restauranteur Pino Piano), and the tentative date is 17 January 2004, but details are sketchy. Watch this space ------> <------- for breaking news. District 3450 Events:
Boy oh boy. Judging from the barrage of comments sent to me by my spy in the District Nursery, (code name "Prozaceus"), my criticism of the District Electoral process in last week's issue of Golden News caused quite a stir. Yes Sir. Apparently pacifiers were being spat, rattles were being tossed and the sound of feet stomping with indignation on the padded floor were deafening. In fact, I was even warned that a certain member of the
District community (code name "Holland Daze"), was massing troops on the
KGM border, ready to launch an assault with sidewinder windmills,
Kevlar clogs and tactical tulips. Goodness gracious me. DEFCON 1.
Of course, being bit of a warrior myself from The Dark
Side of the Force (or is that Dork Side of the Farce?), I was ready
for them. I armed myself with a huge supply of Huggies diapers, an
industrial size pack of "Wet Ones" and a ballistic bib, but nothing
actually happened.
The funny thing is that, by the end of that day,
I received 2 emails from outside KGM supporting my comments, 1 email
soaked in (Yuen Long?) crocodile tears from a guy who took everything
personally, and 1 new subscriber to the Golden News (some of you will
know him by his code names "Donkey Hote" or "Mini-Me Travolta").
Yet another storm in a teacup. Ho-hum.
+++++++ Anyway, moving right along, here's what's coming up on the District Calendar:
Rotary
International News:
Read the latest news about RI's Water Management efforts in New
Delhi, India.
In other RI news:
1. Read the December issue
of "The Rotarian" magazine online.
2. Learn about the various Rotary International Programs on the RI
website - details.
3. Read all about the ongoing plans for the
RI Centennial in 2005 -
details.
4. Visit the website of Rotary International President Jonathan Majiyagbe - details. 5. Read about the 95th
Rotary International Convention in Osaka from 23-26
May, 2004 - new
website.
Rotary Information: The Rotary District: According to the RI Manual of Procedure: "A district is a geographical area in which Rotary clubs are combined for RI administrative purposes. The activities and organization of a Rotary district shall exist solely to help the individual Rotary club advance the Object of Rotary and should not tend to diminish services provided by Rotary clubs and individual Rotarians on the local level". OK then, so what's the Object of Rotary, huh?
"The Object of Rotary is to encourage and foster the ideal of service as a basis of worthy enterprise and, in particular, to encourage and foster:
Hmmmmm. Nothing there about, oh, never
mind .................
.
Geek
Speak:
The Geek is currently on leave and returns in January. In the meantime, update your anti-virus software, make a back-up of your personal computer files and don't confuse your floppy with your hard drive. Who Am I?
What is the more common name of 50's and 60's singer Norma Egstrom? Clue: She has a temperature of 96 degrees. The answer appears at the bottom of this issue. Golden Smile: The secret of a long and happy marriage: A couple was celebrating their golden wedding
anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been admired by the
rest of the town, and they were universally regarded as "a peaceful
and loving couple."
A local newspaper reporter inquired about the
secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the
man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of
the canyon on mules. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule
stumbled, and my wife quietly said 'That's once'".
"After proceeding a little further along the
trail, the mule stumbled again, and my wife quietly said 'That's
twice'".
"We hadn't gone another half-mile when the mule
stumbled a third time. My wife got down from the mule, she quietly removed
a loaded revolver from her purse, and she shot the mule dead!".
The man continued "Well, I immediately started an angry
protest over my wife's treatment of the mule, but she looked at me
and quietly said 'That's once'".
"And we've lived happily ever after".
Silly
Season Stuff:
So, you always wanted to be a pornographic movie star, huh? Well the first thing you've got to do is get a catchy name, and here's a clever way to do so. For your first name, use the name of your first pet and, for your surname, use the name of the first street in which you lived. Sadly this wouldn't work for The Phantom because I'd
be, ahem, Tiger Woods, but hopefully you'll have better luck.
Quotable Quotes:
"The test of democracy is freedom of criticism". David Ben-Gurion Bumper Sticker Of The Week:  If you want to save the bumper sticker for
use in email or on a website, put your mouse pointer over the top,
right-click, and select "Save Picture As".
The
Phantom
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| Who Am I answer: Peggy Lee. |
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