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Golden News
Volume 15, Number 36 - Monday 4 March 2002
Lies, Damn Lies & Statistics:
Can you believe it's March already, which means Easter is only a few weeks away? It seems like only last week I was still recovering from
an excess of Xmas turkey and other leftovers.
Anyway, I missed another meeting last week, due to reasons beyond my control, so I cannot report on what transpired
at that regular club meeting. Frankly, I really miss you guys and, unless there is a major disaster, I will definitely attend this week's meeting.
I'll wear a pink carnation so that you can recognise me.
In the meantime, I note from our DG's report for December 2001 that KGM had a YTD attendance of 74.5%, and we ranked 10th out of 49
clubs in District 3450. Not too shabby, eh? The leading club in District 3450 remains the RC Hong Kong Sunrise, who managed a perfect 100%
but they only have 11 members, which is even smaller than our 15 member Board of Directors. Not very impressive after all, is it?
Now don't get me wrong. I'm sure the folks at Hong Kong Sunrise are really nice people, but I think we need to calculate our district attendance results more fairly on a "100 base" formula. In other words, divide the club membership by 100 then multiply it by the club's average attendance, to arrive at a simple numerical ranking.
If we did, based on the results for December 2001, RC Hong Kong Sunrise would rate 11, KGM would rate 42.5 and RC Hong Kong (with 136 members at 49.17%) would rate 67.
Clearly a club such as RC Hong Kong, at 49.17%, still has an average of 67 members at their meetings and
this, in my opinion, is no small feat and it is far more successful than RC Hong Kong Sunrise who, at 100%, still only have 11 members at their meetings.
With the District awards due to be presented at the forthcoming District Conference, I think it's only fair to give
the highest attendance award to the club which demonstrates the strongest attendance in real terms.
By the way, it won't be KGM, so don't think my suggestion is self-serving.
This Week's Meeting:
This week's guest speaker is DGE Gloria Chan from the RC Queensway, who will be speaking to us on "District Events 2002/2003".
As most KGM members are already aware, DGE Gloria is an enchanting lady,
and she will become the first female District 3450 Governor when she assumes office on 1 July 2002.
Milestones:
Birthday greetings for today, 4 March, for KGM Vice-President Patricia "Iron Lady" Blair, who shares her birthday with sexy South African actress Patsy Kensit. Patsy played the love interest of Mel Gibson in the movie "Lethal Weapon 2" (sadly, she ended up like Luca Brazzi - sleeping with da fishes!).
Member Updates:
We are sad to report the resignation of KGM International Service Director Hans "The Keg With Legs" Peter, due to business commitments. As most members know, Hans recently became the local representative of Veltins Beer, and the demands of this position make it increasingly difficult for him to attend regular meetings. It also makes it difficult for him to stand up straight for more than 5 minutes. Anyway, Hans hopes to be in a position to rejoin KGM within 12 months.
In the interim period, Hans will try his best to attend KGM fellowships from time to time. He will also continue to receive the Golden News each
week and has been added to our "Friends Of KGM" email distribution list.
Fellowship News:
Well, according to my records, the fellowship for March is supposed to be the NINC night, but I haven't heard a peep from our NINCS.
So, what is a Phantom supposed to do, huh?
KGM Crystal Anniversary Ball:
This year's Annual Ball, to be held at the Grand Hyatt Hotel ballroom on Saturday
4 May 2002, celebrates KGM's 15th Anniversary.
Your intrepid and hard-working Ball Committee, capably lead by joint Chair-Thingies Elissa "Pass The
Peanuts" Cohen and David "Party Dude" Harilela (aka "Bonnie & Clyde"), will be doing
everything in their power to make this ball the "Mother Of All Balls" !
Ticket prices, programme advertising rates, prize requests and all other details will be announced shortly. In the interim period, please start
considering the formation of a table. As usual, our maximum capacity is 450 seats however considering that in
recent years we have had +400 guests, we urge you to start making your plans now!
Note that 25 tables have already been "pre-sold", so don't delay, or you may miss out.
Remember our annual ball is primarily a "Fun Raising" not a "Fund Raising" affair and,
if you only go to one ball each year, this is the one!
District 3450 News:
1) KGM members who are nautically-minded should consider joining the
District 3450 Chapter of the International Yachting Fellowship of Rotarians. They have their own website and are now actively recruiting new members.
Aspiring members are required to know basic yachting terms such as "Port" (which means "left"), "Starboard" (which means "The Other Left"), "Bow" (what Japanese do) and "Stern" (the look on your mother's face, the first time she caught you reading a Playboy magazine). Successful applicants will receive a membership card, an eye patch and a parrot.
+++++
2) Saturday 16 March & Sunday 17 March 2002 - Annual District Conference:
This event will be held at the Kowloon Shangri-La hotel. Registration forms and other information
can be obtained from the District website. The conference will be preceded, as usual, by a golf tournament on 8 March and there will also be a "pre-conference cruise" on 10 March.
For more information, please contact KGM Grand Pubah, President Ebe on telephone 9186 6792. +++++
3) Thursday 28 March 2002 - Visit to Provisional RC Shanghai by RI President Rick King.
KGM members interested in attending this three (3) day event should contact DG Johnson Chu by email.
Rotary International News:
A) The new theme for the 2002/2003 Rotary year, which will take effect on 1 July 2002 under
RI President Bhichai Rattakul, is shown at left. This has already been uploaded to the KGM website under the RI Theme link, which also displays a Chinese translation.
Members are also invited to visit RI President-Elect Bhichai Rattakul's website,
to obtain more information about him.
B) Group Study Exchange ("GSE") 2001-2002: The Incoming GSE Team from District 7750 (South Carolina, USA), will visit District 3450 from March 10 to April 10, 2002. Our Outgoing
GSE Team, led by PP Simon Wong of RC of Peninsula Sunrise, will depart Hong Kong on April 10 and return on May 10.
C) An RI Presidential Conference will be held from 22-24 March 2002 in Taipei, Taiwan. For more information about this event, visit their website. D) The RI Annual Convention will be held from 23 to 26 June 2002 in Barcelona, Spain, and you can register on-line here. For more information about the convention, visit their web site!
Web Side Story:
Did you know that Rotary International has approved a Rotary "eClub"??
The Rotary eClub One District 5450 is the
world's first "Virtual Rotary Club", whereby members meet on-line electronically! Membership is restricted to people residing in
District 5450.
However "visiting Rotarians" can still obtain make-ups! Of course certain conditions apply, but now there is no excuse
whatsoever for poor attendance.
I don't know whether this concept is a good or a bad thing, or if it will be successful, however it is definitely worth taking a look at this well-designed website. Dear Geek:
Dear Geek, I want to create an effective website for my business. Do you have any simple tips? Yours, Willy Wonka.
Dear Willy, The following are my Top 5 recommendations:
1. Fast Loading - Avoid unnecessary background or other images and sound files.
2. Navigation - Make it simple, logical and consistent.
3. Essential Information - Have an easily accessible "Contact Us" page and "About
Us" page.
4. No gimmicks - Blinking and scrolling images or "flash" pages are annoying after the
first visit.
5. Hyperlinks - Must be checked at least once a week, especially external ones.
Remember visitors come to your website to obtain information about your products and/or services. They do not come to be impressed at how many snazzy web tricks your webmaster has learned since he was a web apprentice. Content is king. If possible, have information about your products and/or service available for download from your website. Yours, The Geek.
Who Am I?
What is the more common name of American actor Michael John Douglas who changed his surname to avoid confusion with another, arguably more famous actor, also known as Michael Douglas? Clue: Think
Spandex!
The answer appears at the bottom of this issue.
Cunning Linguist:
Did you ever wonder about the origins of the phrase "Murphy's Law" ?
The term was coined in 1949.
The Murphy in question is Captain Ed Murphy, a development engineer assigned to Colonel J.P. Stapp's research on the
rocket sleds that tested the limits of human endurance of high acceleration at Edwards Field, California.
Murphy was referring to a particular technician, whose name has been lost to history, who had wired a piece of equipment incorrectly when he remarked, "If there is any way to do things wrong, he will". A few weeks later in a press conference, Colonel Stapp credited his program's safety record to planning for Murphy's Law. The rest, as they say, is history.
.
Golden Smile:
INTERNATIONAL REACTION TO "THE AXIS OF EVIL":
Beijing - Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China and
Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil" which they said would be far more evil than the Iran-Iraq-North
Korea axis that President Bush warned about in his State of the Union address.
However Axis of Evil members immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "In their dreams!", declared North
Korean leader Kim Jong-Il. "Everybody knows we're the only true evils!" Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being
excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World
War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three. And you need a secret handshake too".
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift and, within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere,
peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs.
Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia announced formation of the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to
join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil". Meanwhile Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil, Really, As Just Generally Disagreeable".
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics".
In response, Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America".
The following day, Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the "Axis of Countries Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear
Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack
McConnell.
In Asia, the Philippines, Thailand and Macau created the "Axis of Really Great Places To Be Evil With Soapsuds".
While wondering if the nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious President Bush granted approval for most new organisations,
although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in -Guay-" and he accused one of its members of
filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Muttguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis. However, privately, world leaders said that's only because Israel didn't want to pay the
$25 admission fee.
Quotable Quotes:
"I always thought music was more important than sex. Then I thought if I didn't hear a concert for a 2 years, it really wouldn't bother me".
-- Jackie Mason --
The Phantom |
| "Who Am I?" answer: Michael Keaton. |
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