Sorry About That, Chief:
 

Yes, yes, I know. There has been no Golden News for two weeks. This is because I've been travelling so much over the past 30 days, I haven't had to time to scratch myself and, frankly speaking, I've had an itch or two.

 

First I had to fly to Sydney to accompany my dear old grandmother's remains for burial. Then I immediately flew to the USA for an important trade show and to visit my American principals. Then I flew to Colombo, Bangkok and Singapore to see my customers and to work on new projects in those three cities. All this flying made my arms very tired.

Nonetheless, everything went very well but I'm tired of living out of a suitcase and putting up with so much airline "security" nonsense, which is an absolute joke.

 

Most "security" changes since the 9/11 attacks in the USA are purely for show, and they do absolutely nothing whatsoever to prevent in-flight assaults.  

 

For example, my favorite airline, Cathay Pacific, now gives you plastic knives with your in-flight meal. Gee, now I really feel safe. Too bad they still give you a metal fork with very sharp tines. Can you imagine how much damage a terrorist could do with fork at your throat? What about the real glass beverage containers in which they serve your Chateauneuf De Poo-Poo?

Then the security bozos confiscate your nail clippers. Presumably this is to prevent you from hijacking the aircraft by threatening the pilot with: "Take me to Cuba or I'll attack your ingrown toenail", however they don't seem to mind that you're carrying enormous bottles of duty free scotch with you. Naaah. Those 1" nail files are much more dangerous.

One woman had her hair brush confiscated because it had a hair "teasing" extension which, according to the security bozos, could be used as a weapon. However when I got on board, the flight attendant asked me to fill out an airline survey, and she gave me a plastic but very sharp ballpoint pen to use. Duh! What would you do if I had my arm around your neck with a sharp ballpoint pen pointed at your eye? Say: "Go ahead, punk, make my day"?

 

However for the ultimate in "smoke & mirrors" stupidity, I saw one security expert (pictured above) ask some passengers to remove their shoes, which he then x-rayed for plastic explosives. It's too bad plastic explosives cannot be detected by x-ray machines, only by sniffer dogs or specialised vapour detection machines. Morons!

Yes, Sir, quite a show for those who don't know any better. David Copperfield would be proud.

 

Anyway, as you can probably detect, I'm still as grumpy as ever but, then again, isn't it nice to know that some things never change?

 

---

 

3) Thursday 28 March 2002 - Visit to Provisional RC Shanghai by RI President Rick King.

KGM members interested in attending this three (3) day event should contact DG Johnson Chu by email.

Remember visitors come to your website to obtain information about your products and/or services. They do not come to be impressed at how many snazzy web tricks your webmaster has learned since he was a web apprentice. Content is king. If possible, have information about your products and/or service available for download from your website.

Yours, The Geek.

Cunning Linguist:

Did you ever wonder about the origins of the term "Bigwig" or "Big Wig" ?

 

This term for an important person dates to 1731.

 

It's a reference to the powdered wigs that men wore in the 18th century. Rich and important men would have larger, more expensive wigs, hence the term.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

01. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
02. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake your
      wiener at her making a "woo-woo" sound.
03. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have

      pecs (you don't).

04. Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your nether regions.
05. Get in the shower.

06. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
07. Wash your face.
08. Wash your armpits.
09. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
10. Laugh at how loud your flatulence sounds in the shower.
11. Spend most of the time washing your privates and surrounding area.
12. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
13. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
14. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
15. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
16. Pee (in the shower).
17. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because

      you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
18. Partially dry off.
19. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles.  Admire wiener size again.
20. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
21. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
22. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist.  If you pass your wife,

      pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make a "woo-woo" sound again.
23. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same".
 

-- Oscar Wilde --