Golden News
Volume 15, Number 22 - Monday 26 November 2001
The bulletin of the Rotary Club of Kowloon Golden Mile - published every Monday.
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Yo! Pee Wee!:

Anna OK, so now there are only 29 shopping days left until Xmas. Personally, I find the whole thing depressing, intimidating and downright scary, and that's just Mrs. Phantom's Visa card bill. It required so many pages this month, Rotary's Preserve Plant Earth committee staged a protest outside my front door.

Then to make matters worse for me last week, my favorite tennis player of the female persuasion, Anna Kournikova, declined my invitation to a romantic dinner. However she sent me a nice autographed photo of her (shown left), but I don't quite understand the significance of her hand signal. Must be a secret tennis code. That or she's been speaking with Mrs. Phantom.
 
Anyway, I really regret missing last week's meeting because my spies Mata Hari, Monty Python and Oy Vey reported that our guest speaker, Mr. Manolete Mora, gave a truly excellent talk and audio presentation on Latin American music. Sadly, due to a lack of time, he was unable to physically demonstrate the Cha-Cha, Rumba, Samba or Salsa with our members.

Then again, considering that many KGM members had rhythm bypass surgery in their youth, it's probably a good thing for Mr. Mora. I can just imagine the scene: "OK, on the count of three, 1, 2, 3. No, no, no. We go ON 3. Got it? OK, let's try that again, from the top. And 1, 2, 3 AND left foot forward, OUCH, and right foot forward, OUCH .......... MEDIC!". 

Despite the lack of a dance floor, my spies also tell me that a few members, such as PP M.V. "Rumba" Ramadasan and V.P. Patricia "Boom-Boom" Blair, were gyrating in their seats to the music. We're not certain which music, mind you, but hey, they were obviously enjoying themselves. Or in desperate need to use the loo. We didn't ask.

Moving on, I was delighted to learn that our members actually read the Golden News each week and they understand all about our various ongoing activities. A shining example is our old mate Manu "Choo-choo" Chulani. When asked if he was going to attend our "Free Medical Check" Community Service Project in Macau next weekend, he replied: "No, I'm OK thanks. I had my check-up last week". I wonder if he misses working for NASA?

Of course it wouldn't be the Golden News if we didn't mention our Fearless Leader President Ebe Tung "Che Wow", who apparently attended last week's meeting dressed in military garb. I guess she just wanted to show our whip-cracking Sergeant Susie "Madam Lash" Misini who is really Commander-in-Chief of KGM.

Apparently President Ebe formed a KGM Taskforce to combat terrorism, and last week she led their first mission whereby they raided a shelter and captured 6 suspicious Afghans. However the SPCA were not terribly pleased and they are demanding that the poor dogs be returned.

Finally I must warn you that our beloved Attendance Director Neerja "Da Numbers" Sujanani, is on the warpath. Our attendance for October dropped to 64%, and she is not a happy bean-counter. Hence those of you who have fallen behind are urged to do the necessary make-ups or face her wrath.

She may not look vicious, but young Neerja knows 23 positions in the Kama-Sutra. You have been warned.
 
This Week's Meeting:

This week's guest is Mr. Sidney Yuen and the topic of his talk is "Knowledge Management". Not much use to me as I don't have any knowledge to manage. I could use help with my CD collection though!
 
 
Milestones:
 
Gena Lee Nolin Birthday greetings for 29 November to Jagdish "Da Fish" Pursram, who shares his birthday with sexy "Baywatch" actress Gena Lee Nolin (pictured left, in a "come hither"pose).

Now, I don't want to seem nasty or anything but, damn, Gena Lee is a lot better looking than our old mate Jagdish, despite his boyish charm and neatly trimmed goatee.

Why isn't Gena a KGM member, huh? Diana? DIANA?? Now stop messing about processing Tony Denyer's application and get us some real talent, OK?
 

Member Updates:

Nothing to report this week. Carry on, chaps.

Fellowship News - Last Call:
 
Our next fellowship is very special because, once again, the wonderful Harilela Family are welcoming us into their magnificent home at Kowloon Tong this week.

This event will be held at 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday 28 November 2001, when our dear friends Avisha & David Harilela will host "An Evening with the Harilela's" at 1 Durham Road, Kowloon Tong.

As a courtesy to our hosts, please telephone David on 9168 8333 or email "Amazing" Grace (David's efficient Secretary), if you plan to attend.

Sadly I depart Hong Kong on Tuesday for a 2 week business trip, so I will miss the party. I therefore bequeath my chicken tikka to my pal, VP Elissa "Nutcracker" Cohen, who occasionally needs to eat something other than peanuts!

Community Service News - Last Call:

Our hard-working Community Service Director Silva "Dollar" Yeung announces that our next "hands-on" project will be conducted in Macau, jointly with the RC of Macau Central.

This project, which is identical to our Hong Kong based "Free Medical Check", is being co-sponsored by Cruz Vermelha (Red Cross, Macau), St. Paul's Hospital Hong Kong and the Macau SAR Health Department.
 
We anticipate that some 600 Macau residents, many of whom are elderly, will benefit from the project. We expect the project will incur HK$40,000 in expenses, and this amount will be shared equally between KGM and RC Macau Central.

The event will be held from 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. on Sunday 2 December 2001, at the headquarters of Cruz Vermelha in Macau. Of course this is also an excellent opportunity to have an informal fellowship dinner afterwards.

KGM members willing and able to participate in this worthwhile project are asked to telephone President Ebe on 9186 6792 or send her an email.

District 3450 News - Last Call:
 
RI President Rick King Rotary International President Rick King, (pictured left), will be guest of honour at a District 3450 Inter-City meeting to be held at the Intercontinental Hotel, Tsimshatsui on Monday 3 December 2001. The venue is the former Regent Hotel.

The cost of the event is HK$500 per head, and bookings are already closed, but there may still be space available.

Remember that of all the incumbent Rotary International Presidents ever to visit Hong Kong, President Rick will undoubtedly be the most recent. Bada-bing !

Members interested in attending the meeting should contact our Fearless Leader President Ebe Tung "Chee Wow" by telephone on 9186 6792 or by email.
 
Rotary International News:

A) November is Rotary Foundation month, so you can expect KGM Rotary Foundation Director Miranda "King" Kong, will be actively seeking new contributors, especially from those KGM members who are not yet Paul Harris Fellows, despite being members for many years.

For more information about the fantastic work undertaken by the Rotary Foundation, visit their web page.

B) The latest issues of "The Rotarian", "Rotary World" & "Rotary News Basket" are now available on-line.

C) As part of the preparations for Rotary International's Centennial in 2005, three distinctive new logos have been created, and you are invited to vote for your favorite. The winning logo will be announced at the International Assembly in Anaheim, California, which commences on 28 January 2002.

D) An RI Presidential PolioPlus Summit will be held from 22-24 February 2002 in Mumbai, India.

E) An RI Presidential Conference will be held from 22-24 March 2002 in Taipei, Taiwan.

F) The RI Annual Convention will be held in Barcelona, Spain from 23 to 26 June 2002, and you can register on-line here. For more information about the convention, visit their web site.


Web Side Story: 
 
Nothing exciting to report this week other than to say that the KGM web site now is now comprised of 300 pages of information. The Web Monster is in shock, because when he launched the web site in 1997, it was just a single page!

Of course, about 130 of the current pages are on-line copies of the Golden News, but that still means there are another 170 pages of Rotary information. Obviously this places a greater burden on our "Search" engine but, as it is "re-spidered" once a week, I'm happy to report that it is always up to date.

However those of you who conduct searches will need to be more specific and creative with your search words. For example, if you are trying to find the roster of KGM "Old Boys & Girls" (it's under the "Roster" page!), and a search for "former members" returns too many results, try "roster former members".

Happy surfing and searching!

Dear Geek:

Dear Geek, Is it true that The Geek, The Phantom & The Web Monster are one and the same person ? Yours Sleepless in Shatin.
 
Dear Sleepless, Mind your own business. Yours, The Geek.
 
Who Am I? 
 
What is the more common name of veteran "tough guy" actor Marion Michael Morrison?

The answer appears at the bottom of this issue.
 
Cunning Linguist:

Have you ever wondered about the origins of the expression "Quack", a term commonly used to describe a fake doctor?

It's an abbreviation of an old Dutch word that in the modern language is spelled kwakzalver.

It comes from quack, an early modern Dutch word meaning a person who chatters or prattles (probably connected to the English word for the noise a duck makes), and salf, essentially the same word as our salve. So a quacksalver was somebody who boasted about the virtues of his remedies, so it later became attached to a person who claimed to have miraculous medications.

The longer form was common in the sixteenth century, but it was abbreviated later. The similarity of the full-length word to quicksilver, or mercury, and the once common use of that element in medicine (especially to treat diseases such as syphilis), falsely suggests a link with the name, however there is no such connection. 


Golden Smile:

The real meanings of some popular NASDAQ terms:
 
Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
 
Bear Market: The 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery and the husband gets no sex.
 
Momentum Investing: The fine art of buying high and selling low.
 
Value Investing: The art of buying low and selling lower.
 
P/E ratio: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the Market keeps crashing.
 
Broker: Poorer than you were last year.
 
"Buy, Buy": A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
 
Standard & Poor: Your life in a nutshell.
 
Stock Analyst: The idiot who just downgraded your stock.
 
Stock split: When your ex-wife and her lawyer divide all your assets equally between themselves.
 
Financial Planner: A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 to buy cigarettes.
 
Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.
 
Cash Flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
 
Call Option: Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
 
Day Trader: Someone who is disloyal from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.
 
Cisco: Sidekick of Pancho.
 
Yahoo: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
 
Windows 2000: What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share.
 
Institutional Investor: Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.
 
Profit: Religious guy who talks to God.
 
Bill Gates: Where God goes for a loan.
 
Alan Greenspan: God.
 
Quotable Quotes:

"As she lay there dozing next to me, a voice inside my head kept saying: "Relax. You're not the first doctor to sleep with a patient", but another voice kept reminding me: "Then again, you're a veterinarian."

-- Dick Wilson --
 

The Phantom
"Who am I?" answer: John Wayne.

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