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Golden News
Volume 15, Number 21 - Monday 19 November 2001
The bulletin of the Rotary Club of Kowloon Golden Mile - published every Monday.
Ho! Ho! Ho!:
Yes folks, the end of the year is rapidly looming upon us once again and, by my calculation, there are only 36 shopping days left until Xmas.
It seems we just keep going around in an endless loop, just like the optical illusion pictured at left. One minute we're saying "Gung Hei Fat Choy" then, before you
know it, another year bites the dust. And the older you get, the faster the years fly by.
Then again, I should be grateful that I haven't yet reached my 90 year old grandmother's stage in life, where she wakes up every morning and she wishes me "Merry Xmas", even in July. She also now calls me "Daddy". Sad, really, but I guess it's unavoidable. Of course there is also the period between my age and granny, such as that being experienced by our old mate PP Louis Thomas, where your memory has not gone, but it's starting to fade. According to Lou's good lady Terese, our favorite Trailwalker still chases young women but, when he finally catches them, he forgets why he was chasing them. Oh dear. Anyway, not a lot to report about last week's meeting. We had an excellent speaker in Jake Van Der Kamp, who gave us a very interesting talk about investment advisors. As Jake said, if these guys who call us with investment advice are so clever, why aren't they rich? I don't know about the rest of you, but eventhough I'm just an "Aussie Battler", I still get calls every week from salesmen, some as far away as the UK, who want to give me hot stock market tips. Such nice, considerate chaps really. Our dynamic duo, President Ebe Tung "Chee Wow" and Sergeant Susie "Madam Lash" Misini continue to terrorise our members, but they do so with such charm and grace, who can possibly resist them? OK, OK, so Susie also has a huge whip, but I'm just trying to be nice here.
This Week's Meeting:
This week's guest is Mr. Manolete Mora and the topic of his talk is "Latin American Music". Bring your dancing shoes and castanets!
Milestones:
Birthday greetings for 20 November to PP Raju "Wanna nice suit?" Daswani, who shares his birthday with
sexy American actress Bo Derek, of "10" fame. However considering she is 45 years old this year, she probably only rates a "7" these days.
Then again, PP Raju has never rated more than a "2". Birthday greetings for 21 November to Per "Dr. Who?" Larsen, who shares his birthday with tipsy American actress Goldie Hawn. Birthday greetings for 23 November to Nasreen Ting "A Ling", who shares her birthday with Harpo Marx, the silent, horn-honking, harp-playing member of the famous Marx Brothers. Of course everyone knows the names of the other Marx brothers: Groucho, Chico, Zeppo, Richard and Karl.
Member Updates:
Our old mate Don "Super Swami" Sakhrani advises that charmshk@netvigator.com is his new email address, following the recent collapse of his former ISP "Asia Online". This time Don, please pay your bill, OK? We certainly don't want Netvigator going belly-up, now do we? I just couldn't imagine living my life without receiving 2 kgs of promotional material every day from PCCW.
A special "Thank You":
The Phantom wishes to sincerely thank all those KGM members (and our old mate PP Bruce Stinson of RC Kowloon North!), who graciously volunteered to sign a Statutory Declaration in favour of Mrs. Phantom, in respect of her ongoing application for renewal of her Australian residency. This was very kindly organised by Alex "Legal Eagle" Lau during a recent club meeting, as Alex has been handling this matter for us since he was just a young "whipper-snapper". Sadly the Australian Government, like most governments, do things "by the numbers", and they rarely display any evidence of common sense. When we couldn't produce utility bills in separate names at a common address to "prove" (!) Mrs. Phantom and I continued to live together in marital bliss, they found our explanation that all our bills are in my company name and are sent to the company address to be very suspicious! Duh! Hence the subsequent need for statutory declarations, fingerprints, retinal scans, DNA evidence and urine samples. Anyway, I guess things could be a lot sillier. A friend of mine who lives in Manila with his Filipina wife, recently applied to register his newly born son as an Australian citizen. When he started to complete the questionnaire supplied to him by the Australian Embassy in Manila, he found it extremely difficult to keep a straight face when he read Question 4, which asked: "Where were the parents of the child during conception?". DURING CONCEPTION ?? Are they serious ??? He was very tempted to write something pithy like "Having rumpy-bumpy on the kitchen table" or "Swinging from the chandelier" or "Joining the Mile High Club on CX900" but, assuming that public servants have absolutely no sense of humour, he simply wrote "In Manila". And that, my friends, is a true story, I kid you not. I've actually seen the questionnaire. Of course this also reminds me of the usual joke when intending visitors apply for a tourist visa to Australia. One question is: "Do you have a criminal record?" to which some people reply: "I didn't realise it was still a requirement!".
Fellowship News - Date change:
Our next fellowship is very special because, once again, the wonderful
Harilela Family are welcoming us into their magnificent home at Kowloon Tong, but the event has been slightly postponed.
This event will now be held at 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday 28 November 2001, when our dear friends Avisha & David Harilela will host "An Evening with the Harilela's" at 1 Durham Road, Kowloon Tong. As a courtesy to our hosts, please telephone David on 9168 8333 or email "Amazing" Grace (David's efficient Secretary), if you plan to attend. And remember. Hands off the chicken tikka, OK? It's mine. All mine. Bwa-ha-ha! Community Service News - Reminder: Our hard-working Community Service Director Silva "Dollar" Yeung announces that our next "hands-on" project will be conducted in Macau, jointly with the RC of Macau Central. This project, which is identical to our Hong Kong based "Free Medical Check", is being co-sponsored by Cruz Vermelha (Red Cross, Macau), St. Paul's Hospital Hong Kong and the Macau SAR Health Department.
We anticipate that some 600 Macau residents, many of whom are elderly, will benefit
from the project. We expect the project will incur HK$40,000 in expenses, and this amount will be shared equally between KGM and RC Macau Central.
The event will be held from 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. on Sunday 2 December 2001, at the headquarters of Cruz Vermelha in Macau. Of course this is also an excellent opportunity to have an informal fellowship dinner afterwards. KGM members willing and able to participate in this worthwhile project are asked to telephone President Ebe on 9186 6792 or send her an email.
District 3450 News - Reminder:
Rotary International President Rick King, (pictured left), will be guest of honour at a District 3450 Inter-City meeting to be held at
the Intercontinental Hotel, Tsimshatsui on Monday 3 December 2001. The venue is the former Regent Hotel.
The cost of the event is HK$500 per head, and bookings close on 23 November 2001. The program includes on site registration commencing at 6:00 p.m., which will be followed by a generous 30 minute "photo-op" for clubs to be photographed with President Rick. Wow. A whole 30 minutes for 49 clubs, or 36 seconds per club. Plenty of time, but bring your Nikes. The other proceedings commence at 7:30 p.m., which includes the usual series of speeches, people jostling for attention, then dinner (wanna bet it's chicken again?) and dancing. Mark your diaries (or tap your Palm Pilots) now, as this will be a unique opportunity to hear the incumbent RI President speak (if he can keep a straight face after being bitten on the ankle by District officials wearing white "Travolta" suits). Members interested in attending the meeting should contact our Fearless Leader President Ebe Tung "Chee Wow" by email.
Rotary International News:
A) November is Rotary Foundation month, so you can expect KGM Rotary Foundation Director Miranda "King" Kong, will be actively seeking new
contributors, especially from those KGM members who are not yet Paul Harris Fellows, despite being members for many years.
For more information about the fantastic work undertaken by the Rotary Foundation, visit their web page. B) The latest issues of "The Rotarian", "Rotary World" & "Rotary News Basket" are now available on-line. C) As part of the preparations for Rotary International's Centennial in 2005, three distinctive new logos have been created, and you are invited to vote for your favorite. The winning logo will be announced at the International Assembly in Anaheim, California, which commences on 28 January 2002. D) An RI Presidential PolioPlus Summit will be held from 22-24 February 2002 in Mumbai, India. E) An RI Presidential Conference will be held from 22-24 March 2002 in Taipei, Taiwan. F) The RI Annual Convention will be held in Barcelona, Spain from 23 to 26 June 2002, and you can register on-line here. For more information about the convention, visit their web site. Web Side Story:
Well, once again your Web Monster is gloating.
A few weeks ago, we had three visiting Rotarians, from three different countries, at our regular club meeting, and they openly declared they were encouraged to attend our meeting after visiting our web site. Well, it now seems our non-award winning web site is also helping us to find prospective new members too. Last week we received two "Request Membership Information" forms which had been completed on-line by visitors to our web site. In fact one of them, Dr. Helen Lee, actually attended our regular meeting last week for a "look-see", and we certainly hope this charming lady joins our club. Gloat, gloat, gloat.
Dear Geek:
Dear Geek, Yesterday somebody stole my wife's credit card. What should I do? Yours Rick O'Shea.
Dear Rick, I had the same problem once a few years back, but I've never reported my wife's card as being
stolen, because whoever stole it actually spends less than my wife. Yours, The Geek.
Who Am I?
What is the more common name of veteran American actor and political activist Charles Carter?
The answer appears at the bottom of this issue.
Cunning Linguist:
Have you ever wondered about the origins of the expression "Bob's your Uncle"? This is another of those catchphrases which seem to arise out of nowhere and have a period of fashion, in this case quite a long one. We know that it began to be used in the 1880s in Britain. One theory has it that it derives from the slang phrase all is bob, meaning "all is safe". But there have been several slang expressions containing the word bob, some associated with thievery or gambling. Also, at around that time, Bob was also a common generic name for somebody you didn't know, similar to the use of the name "Joe" for American troops during recent wars. The most attractive theory is that it derives from a prolonged act of political nepotism. The prime minister Lord (Robert) Salisbury appointed his rather less than popular nephew Arthur Balfour (later himself to be PM from 1902-11) to a succession of posts. The first in 1887 was chief secretary of Ireland, a post for which Balfour was considered unsuitable. The consensus among the irreverent in Britain seems to have been that to have Bob as your uncle guaranteed success, hence the expression and the common meaning it preserves of something that is easy to achieve. .
Golden Smile:
An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examinations on the same day so that they could travel together.
After the examination, the doctor said to the elderly man, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns which you would like to discuss with me?" "In fact, I do," said the man. "After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I'm usually hot & sweaty, but after I have sex with my wife the second time, I'm usually cold & chilly." "That is very interesting," replied the doctor. "Let me do some research and I'll get back to you." After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?". The lady replied that she had none. The doctor then said, "Your husband has an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot & sweaty after having sex with you the first time but then he is cold & chilly after the second time. Can you think of an explanation for this phenomena?" "Sure" she replied. "It's probably because the first time is usually in July and the second time is in December!" Quotable Quotes:
"I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers".
-- Mahatma Gandhi -- The Phantom |
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"Who am I?" answer: Charlton Heston.
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