Changing Of The Guard:
 

A warm welcome to newly installed President Ebe Tung, the 15th President of KGM and only the second female in our history to be elevated to the exalted position of Grand Pubah. I am confident that President Ebe will do a fantastic job, lovingly assisted (under threat of grievous bodily harm!), by her stogie-chomping hubby Sam (a.k.a. "The First Laddie"). 

However I must express serious concern that, for the first time in KGM history, the majority of KGM Board members are ladies. To make matters even worse, two of them are (gasp) German!

 So, if our major fund-raising event this year is a Cook-A-Thon, whereby members are required to wear pink lederhosen, matching fishnet stockings and stiletto-heel boots, as we create enormous sausages while drinking copious amounts of beer, don't blame me. Prost! Zum wohl! Schnell!

Anyway, we also take this opportunity to send a heartfelt "Thank You" to Immediate Past President "Butch" Cassidy Lam for capably leading our club through yet another successful year in 2000/2001. We really had a fun and productive year, and President Ebe definitely has a hard act to follow.

The Phantom Strikes Again:

And now for the bad news. Yes folks, just when you thought it was safe to check your email, WHAM, the evil Phantom has returned to terrorise you once again. Bwa-ha-ha!

What does this mean ? Well for starters, you can expect unabashed criticism of our dysfunctional District, grumpy diatribes about naughty members and pot-shots at whoever dares rattle my cage. Oh yeah, expect some saucy jokes too!

Of course, what you will never get, at least not from me, are a series of nasty computer viruses. Ahem.

Milestones:

1) Belated birthday greetings for 1 July to KGM wild man, PP Ram (a.k.a. "Rambo"), who shares his birthday with the late Princess Diana and the Queen of Silicone, Pamela Anderson of "Baywatch" fame. So much Royalty!

 2) Birthday greetings for 6 July to KGM Charter Member Rtn. Kenneth "Twinkle Toes" So, who shares his birthday with many celebrities including US President George W. Bush (a.k.a. "Gee Dubya"), former US First Lady Nancy Reagan, actor Sylvester Stallone and musician Bill Haley (of Bill Haley & the Comets fame).

3) Congratulations to Rtn. Ashok "Omar" Kirpalani and his good lady Monica on the engagement of their son Arun to Ms. Rekha Sujanani (no relation to Rtn. Neerja), on 28 June 2001.

4) Belated congratulations for 21 June 2001 to the Rotaract Club of Kowloon Golden Mile who celebrated the 4th anniversary of their club, which was chartered on 21 June 1997.

5) Although she is not one of our members, we send congratulations to PP Suzie Wakai, of the Rotary Club of Wanchai, on receiving the HKSAR Medal of Honour in the 2001 Honours List announced yesterday.

Mr. Philip Alberts will be speaking to us on "The 2nd Oldest Profession". Since we all know what is the oldest profession in the world, I guess the 2nd oldest profession must be the manufacture of condoms! Or fishnet stockings. Yeeee-haaaaaa!

BOD Meetings:

President Ebe reminds her Board of Directors that our monthly BOD meetings for the 2001/2002 Rotary year have changed from the 1st Tuesday to the 4th Tuesday of each month, eventhough I can't find reference to any such change in previous Board minutes. Hmmm.

Nonetheless, this means that the first BOD meeting for the 2001/2002 Rotary year will be held on Tuesday 24 July 2001 at the usual venue, namely Jade Suite II, 2/F, Holiday Inn Golden Mile.

Although formal notice of the meeting will be given by Secretary Clarissa "Ring My" Bellstedt, Directors are advised to mark their diaries now. Those with Palm Pilots should change batteries first.

Fellowship News:

Unfortunately our new Fellowship Director David "Party Dude" Harilela has not yet finalised plans for his inaugural fellowship, however he assures me that the new Rotary year will go off with a big bang. I just hope this doesn't mean fireworks stuffed down the back of my Marks & Spencer boxer shorts!

Of course, in the interim period, we have a vague entry on our web site, which makes the Web Monster an unhappy camper. Not good!

Anyway, our final fellowship of the 2000/2001 Rotary year was "Impeachment Night" (a.k.a. "Kick Out The President Night"), a KGM tradition which has been honoured by most Past Presidents.

This event, held at Kowloon Cricket Club last Saturday, was generously hosted by IPP "Hopalong" Cassidy Lam, who lived up to his moniker by arriving resplendent in cowboy clothing, as did a few other members.

Images from what turned out to be a "Wet 'n' Wild" fellowship have been uploaded to the KGM Web Site under "Photo Gallery".

Community Service Director Silva "Dollar" Yeung has organised another "Free Medical Check Up Service" which will be held from 9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. on Sunday 8 July, 2001 at the Wai Ji Christian Service Sheltered Workshop, Cheung Sha Wan. More details concerning this "hands-on" event have been posted to the KGM website under "What's On".

Rtn. Silva desperately needs additional volunteers who are able to contribute their time to this extremely worthwhile project. If you or any of your family or friends are able to assist, please contact Rtn. Silva by email or by telephone on 9048 1198, as soon as possible.

Semi-Annual Dues - Reminder:

KGM Members are reminded that Semi-Annual dues of $1,500 for the period 1 July to 30 December 2001 are now due.

If you have not already done so, please prepare a cheque payable to "Rotary Club of Kowloon Golden Mile" and either pass this to club Treasurer PP Vince "Scrooge" Pinto, or post it to P.O. Box 98129 Tsimshatsui.

I urge you to pay quickly, 'coz the Treasurer has a gun and he is very grumpy. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

By the way, receipts are not normally issued, however if you require a receipt, simply attach a reminder to your cheque, because the Treasurer is also a forgetful old fart, but please don't tell him I said so!

Rotary International News:

1) "Mankind Is Our Business" is the new annual theme for the 2001/2002 Rotary year, selected by Rotary International President Richard D. King. To see the new theme logo and to read an interesting synopsis, visit the KGM Web Site or click here.

2) The next RI Annual Convention will be held in Barcelona, Spain from 23 to 26 June 2002.

3) Don't forget that July is designated "Literacy Month" by Rotary International.

District 3450 News:

The District Installation will be held at 7:00 p.m. on Friday 6 July, 2001 at the Hong Kong Convention & Exhibition Centre, Wanchai North. For members who have not yet registered with President Ebe, the price of admission is now $450 per head (early victims, oops, I mean registrants, were entitled to a 10% discount).

The District Installation is when the new District Governor and other District Officers are formally installed into office. This occasion is also used to install club Presidents enmasse for those dull clubs who, unlike KGM, elect not to have a private and intimate installation at club level.

If you've never seen a Reverend Sun Myung Moon Korean Wedding, this is your chance to witness the District 3450 equivalent. Bring a good book and a hip flask full of whisky. Trust me.

Web Side Story:

Well folks, our web site has now welcomed 10,000 visitors since it was first launched on 9 June 1997. While this represents an overall average of just 200 visitors a month, this does not reflect the current traffic level, which now exceeds 500 visitors a month.

OK, so we're not Yahoo!, Ebay or Madame Lash's XXX House Of Pleasure, but I think it's not too shabby for a little Rotary Club in Little China. The interesting thing is that our statistics reveal that some 60% of our visitors are from outside of Hong Kong, with North America leading the way, followed by Europe and Australia.

The KGM web site has grown from 1 page in 1997 to over 120 pages today (not counting the 100 pages of bulletin archives). If you need to find out anything about KGM or Rotary in general, the KGM Web Site is the place to start.

By the way, don't forget the KGM E-Store, where you can order a plethora of goods on-line, from reputable merchants. KGM will earn a small commission or referral fee for our Community Service Fund for every purchase made through the E-Store.

KGM Honorary Member, Charter President Chandru Parmanand has reverted to his former email address sanija@compuserve.com (also sanija@cs.com), due to the recent, highly publicised collapse of his former ISP "OneTel" in Australia (Chandru should have paid his bill on time!).

Anyway Chandru and First-First Lady Sheila recently moved digs too, and their new home address and contact details are:

105 Herron Road,
Pullenvale, QLD, 4069,
Australia.

 Telephone: +61 7 3374 0283 and +61 7 3374 0284
Fax: +61 7 3374 0285.

By the way, I forewarned CP Chandru to get his barbeque and supply of Fosters beer ready for an onslaught of visitors from KGM, because the annual Rotary International convention in June 2003 will be held in Brisbane, during the Presidency of PE Nanu "Nanu" Lachman. If you've never been to Australia before, this would be a terrific opportunity to go Down Under.

Golden Smile:

An Irishman decided to go ice fishing. He cuts a hole in the ice and drops in his line. Suddenly a loud, booming voice breaks the silence and says: "There are no fish there."

The startled Irishman looks around and, not seeing anyone, asks: "God, is that you?"

And the loud, booming voice replies: "No, I'm the manager of the skating rink."

Quotable Quotes:

When asked recently on American TV to explain the difference between British and American people, comedian John Cleese (of "Monty Python" and "Fawlty Towers" fame) replied there were three major differences:

1. "We speak English and you don't";
2. "When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite teams from other countries to play";
3. "When you meet the head of state in England, you only have to go down on one knee".


The Phantom