Outside a veterinary
clinic:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
Outside a Plastic Surgeon's
clinic:
"We can help you pick your nose."
On an electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
On a plumber's
truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
On another plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call us."
On a garbage
collector's truck:
"We've got what it takes, to take what you've got."
In the "non-smoking"
section of a restaurant:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire
and take appropriate action."
On a maternity room
door:
"Push. Push. Push."
Outside an
optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right
place."
Outside a crocodile
farm:
"Trespassers will be eaten."
Outside a car
muffler repair shop:
"No appointment necessary. We can hear you coming."
Outside the front
gate of a huge mansion in Florida:
"Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive"
Inside a ten-pin
bowling alley:
"Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
At a hotel lobby in
Bucharest:
"The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable".
At a hotel lobby in
Paris:
"Please leave your values at the front desk".
At a hotel room in
Moscow:
"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except
Thursday".
In a hotel room in
Tokyo:
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid".
At another hotel room in Tokyo:
"If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control
yourself."
At a dry cleaning
shop in Bangkok:
"Drop your trousers here for best results".
At a laundry shop
in Rome:
"Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a
good time."
At a Hungarian zoo:
"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any
food, give it to the guard on duty."
Outside a gun shop:
"We shoot every 3rd salesman. The 2nd one just left."
Outside a church:
"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long, the
pay is low, however the retirement benefits are out of this world."
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