What Women really mean:

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = You're in trouble, buster !
Sure, go ahead = If you do, you're a dead man.
Do I look fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful and sexy
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you idiot!
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good show on TV
I want to make wild, passionate love to you = I dented the car today.

What Men really mean:

Yes = Yes
No = No
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm tired = I'm tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
What's wrong ? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I love you, too = Okay, I said it ..........we'd better have sex now!
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Will you marry me? = I want you to stop having sex with other guys
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next 10  minutes
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay