Golden News
Volume 16, Number 41 - Monday 7 April 2003
The official bulletin of the Rotary Club of Kowloon Golden Mile is published
most Mondays and is distributed to all club members, District officials and
other "friends of KGM".

Winner "Best English Language Bulletin" in District 3450, 2001/2002
Business NOT As Usual At KGM:
 
Yes, yes, I know. Last week I told you it was business as usual, then 10 minutes later the meeting was cancelled. Well don't shoot me, OK? I'm just a lowly messenger.
 
You see, I'm a highly organised (though, admittedly, a tad overweight) pleb, so I intentionally delayed publication of the Golden News last week for a few hours, so that I could check whether or not our meeting would be on or off due to our little SARS problem.
 
So I telephoned someone (who shall not be identified under any circumstances but who, for the purposes of this story, I'll address by the impossible to crack, algorithm based codename "unaN") to check. Anyway, he/she told me "Yes loves, I'm thinking aloud to myself alone today morning that ve should go ahead".
 
So, once I had the go-ahead from "unaN", I finalised the Golden News and I hit the "send" button. Of course shortly thereafter, "unaN" changed his/her mind after the doo-doo hit the fan, and the meeting was cancelled. Badabing.

Anyway, this week's meeting has been cancelled too, because those little SARS critters are still hovering about, looking for devious ways to infest the surgical masks of unsuspecting victims.

Of course if I were an SARS critter, I'd enter through people's ears. Why?
 
Well everyone knows that our Ear, Nose and Throat canals are linked by the Eustachian tube, a small tube between the back of the ear and the back of the nose. But, hey, don't remind people just yet, OK?

I'm trying to corner the market on disposable designer ear muffs.


This Week's Meeting:

Why are you reading this section, huh? Didn't you read the stuff above? Pull that silly mask down off your eyes!
 
 
Milestones:

For the second week in a row, there are no KGM members celebrating a birthday this week.

Hmmm. Two weeks no meetings, two weeks no birthdays. Very suspicious ..........
 
 
Fellowship News:


This section closed until someone can think of something saucy we can do while wearing surgical masks.



Annual Ball:

Yes folks, it' party time once again. Let's hope our health scare is over by then, because it's really difficult to find a formal surgical mask (however my disposable ear muffs will be available in black).

Anyway, our 16th Anniversary Ball will be held, as usual, at the Grand Hyatt Hotel on Saturday 24th May, 2003, and this year's theme is "Bollywood Hunks and Hollywood Babes". Hey, don't blame me, OK? I don't make these things up - I'm just the Bulletin Editor.

An image of the souvenir program can be seen here.

Of course "Bollywood" refers to the Indian version of Hollywood. This means aspiring actors and actresses still have to sleep around with Directors and Producers to get good parts, however the difference is that they have far more creative sexual positions, such as "The Tandoori Tango" and the "Naan Nonny Nonny".

Tickets are $1,200 per person and members are encouraged to organise a table of 10 people. No, you don't have to pay for everybody, just try your best to organise one. Hell, even I can organise a table, eventhough I don't have any friends and everybody hates me. Rather sad, really.

The key conspirators this year are:

Ball Chairpersonthingy: Elissa "Peanuts" Cohen (9481 8378),

Ticket sales: IPP Ebe Tung "Chee Watusi" (9186 6792),

Souvenir Program Advertising: Neerja "Da Beer-ja" Sujanani (9070 5096) and

Raffle Prizes: Diana "You make me feel so" Yeung (9197 8615).
 
Call them. NOW!
 

Walkathon Update: 

Our old mate President-Elect Patricia "Iron Lady" Blair (a.k.a. SWMBO), thinks those of you who participated in the recent Walkathon are all decent sort of chaps, but now she needs some booty.
 
No, no, no. Not that sort of booty, Homie ............. She means money. Duh!

Please send a cheque payable to Rotary Club of Kowloon Golden Mile to "KGM Walkathon", P.O. Box 98129, Tsimshatsui as soon as possible, in respect of all the money you raised.
 
And remember to write your name on the rear of your cheque so that Her Royal Frivolity can identify you.
 
Fund-Raising KGM Polio Plus Cookbook:
 
"Dining In with Great Chefs of Hong Kong" at only HK$188 (US$25) per copy is excellent value. An image of the cover has been uploaded to the KGM website.

To purchase your copies, contact President-Elect Patricia "Iron Lady" Blair on telephone 9312 3606 or by email or you can order copies online by major credit card through PayPal.

 
District 3450 News:
 
1) The District Contract Bridge Tournament will be held from 1:00pm to 6:00pm on Sunday 27 April at the Mariner's Club, Tsimshatsui. Members interested in participating should contact organiser Winston Wong on telephone 9213 0303 or by email.


2) The 43rd Annual District Assembly at the Kowloon Shangri-La Hotel, Tsimshatsui East, has been rescheduled to the new date Sunday 18 May, 2003.

 
Rotary International News:
 
April is officially "Magazine Month". Apart from the monthly and most prominent publication The Rotarian, other regular RI publications include Rotary World and the Rotary News Basket.

Of course there's also our world famous, awarding-winning Golden News, which you're reading now (unless, like some people we know, you've scrolled down straight to the joke - shame on you!).

 
Rotary Information: 
 
Group Study Exchange: One of the most popular and rewarding programs of The Rotary Foundation is the Group Study Exchange. Since the first exchange between districts in California and Japan in 1965, the program has provided educational experiences for about 25,000 business and professional men and women who have served on about 5,500 teams.

The GSE program pairs Rotary districts to send and receive study teams. Since 1965, more than $42 million has been allocated by The Rotary Foundation for Group Study Exchange grants.

One of the attractive features of GSE is the opportunity for the visiting team members to meet, talk and live with Rotarians and their families in a warm spirit of friendship and hospitality. Although the original Group Study Exchanges were male only, in recent years teams include both men and women.

In addition to learning about another country as the team visits farms, schools, industrial plants, professional offices and governmental establishments, the GSE teams serve as ambassadors of goodwill. They introduce their home nation to host Rotarians and others in the communities in which they visit. Many of the personal contacts blossom into lasting friendships.

Truly, the Group Study Exchange program has provided Rotarians with one of its most enjoyable, practical and meaningful ways to promote world understanding.


Ask The Geek:
 
Dear Geek, Is there anything we can do to stop the increasing amount of "SPAM" email we receive in our inbox each day? Yours truly, Ben Doon & Phil McAvity.


Dear Ben & Phil, Are you Scottish? Anyway, the 100% solution is to cancel your email account and revert to fax. If you'd like a less drastic but also less effective method, you should establish a number of email filters in your email program to block regular sources of "SPAM", such as free accounts like "Yahoo!" and "Hotmail".

However, despite establishing over 300 such filters, I personally still receive at least 50 "SPAM" emails each and every day. In fact, one day I decided "If you can't beat them, join them", so I responded to every single "SPAM" email I received about one month ago.

And guess what? The results were fabulous.

I now have a larger penis, larger breasts,  I refinanced a mortgage on a house I didn't buy, I have a whole new bunch of young girls, young boys & farmyard animals as very close friends, I purchased 10,000 shares in a company which folded 8 years ago and I recently visited some very generous people living in Nigeria.

My wife wasn't terribly thrilled about my hundreds of discount Viagra, but since my Xenical keeps me in the bathroom for most of the day, she's walking a lot better now.


Who Am I?
 
What is the more common name of American (mostly TV comedy) actor Alphonso D'Abruzzo?
 
The answer appears at the bottom of this issue.
 
 
Golden Smile: 
 
A man went to the doctor with a strange complaint.

"Well it's like this, Doc. When I drive to work in the morning, through the country lanes, I start to sing "The Green Green Grass of Home" then, if I see a cat, I start singing "What's New, Pussy Cat?".
 
"It's so embarrassing", he added. "Even when I'm asleep and dreaming, I still keep singing. Last night, it was "Delilah" and my wife was not amused!"

"Well it would appear you have the early symptoms of Tom Jones syndrome", said the doctor.
 
"Well I've never heard of that, Doctor. Is it common?" asked the man.

"It's not unusual" replied the doctor.
 
 
Quotable Quotes:

 
"If you've even seen a naked infant doing a backward somersault, you'll understand why clothing was invented".
 
Stephen Fry
 
 
The Phantom
Who Am I answer: Alan Alda ("Hawkeye" in M*A*S*H*.

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