Golden News
Volume 16, Number 40 - Monday 31 March 2003
The official bulletin of the Rotary Club of Kowloon Golden Mile is published
most Mondays and is distributed to all club members, District officials and
other "friends of KGM".

Winner "Best English Language Bulletin" in District 3450, 2001/2002
Business As Usual At KGM:
 
Yes folks, despite growing concerns in Hong Kong about "Atypical Pneumonia" (a.k.a "SARS"), it's business as usual at KGM this week. Members who are so inclined are encouraged to wear protective garments such as surgical masks, latex gloves and industrial strength condoms.
 
Members who are really concerned can wear NBC (Nuclear Biological Chemical) suits. Or maybe Scuba gear.

In fact, we're even having a competition, to be judged by President Nanu "No Kissing On The Lips" Lachman. A "Best Costume" will be awarded to the KGM member who most closely resembles Hannibal Lecter on a bad hair day.

 
This Week's Meeting:


Our guest speaker this week is Mr. Steven Selby who'll be speaking to us on "Ancient Chinese Archery".
 
 
Milestones:

There are no KGM members celebrating a birthday this week.
 
 
Member Updates:
 
Our old mate (and former KGM scribe) Walter Whyte, currently languishing in Old Blighty like so many other good men before him, advises members his new email address is waltwhyte@tiscali.co.uk.
 
 
Fellowship News:

Miranda? Hello?? Miranda???

Yo, wassup, girl? Your homies are waiting for the word.

 
Annual Ball:


Yes folks, it' party time once again. Let's hope our health scare is over by then, because it's really difficult to find a formal surgical mask.

Anyway, our 16th Anniversary Ball will be held, as usual, at the Grand Hyatt Hotel on Saturday 24th May, 2003, and this year's theme is "Bollywood Hunks and Hollywood Babes". Hey, don't blame me, OK? I don't make these things up - I'm just the Bulletin Editor.

An image of the souvenir program can be seen here.

Of course "Bollywood" refers to the Indian version of Hollywood. This means aspiring actors and actresses still have to sleep around with Directors and Producers to get good parts, however the difference is that they have far more creative sexual positions, such as "The Tandoori Tango" and the "Naan Nonny Nonny".

Tickets are $1,200 per person and members are encouraged to organise a table of 10 people. No, you don't have to pay for everybody, just try your best to organise one. Hell, even I can organise a table, eventhough I don't have any friends and everybody hates me. Rather sad, really.

The key conspirators this year are:

Ball Chairpersonthingy: Elissa "Peanuts" Cohen (9481 8378),

Ticket sales: IPP Ebe Tung "Chee Watusi" (9186 6792),

Souvenir Program Advertising: Neerja "Da Beer-ja" Sujanani (9070 5096) and

Raffle Prizes: Diana "You make me feel so" Yeung (9197 8615).
 
Call them. NOW!
 

Walkathon Report: 

Submitted by President-Elect Patricia "Iron Lady" Blair (a.k.a. SWMBO - She Who Must Be Obeyed)

The Walkathon was attended by 41 Rotarians, family and friends. First to turn up bright 'n' early was President Nanu looking very athletic in his shorts.  After last year's hike over ditches, rocks and waterfalls, he wasn't going to be caught out this time, so he came dressed for the part.

The oldest (and fittest) walker was PP Louis "Trailwalker" Thomas while the youngest was Charlotte Hodgson, aged 5, who managed to drag along her puffing and panting dad Brian, who hails from the Jurassic Period.

Amongst PP Louis' fabulously fit team were Elissa "Spandex" Cohen, Silva "Dollar" Yeung and his good lady Wacia, Leigh "Non Me" Kennedy and his good lady Lorraine, and Bernard Wilkinson, one of PP Louis' drinking, er, walking buddies.

The rest of the motley crew just ambled (stumbled?) across the island at a leisurely, almost geriatric pace, arriving at The Rainbow Seafood Restaurant an hour-and-a-half later and looking very much like failed contestants of "Survivor".

PP "Hopalong" Cassidy looked his usual super cool self and worked hard, keeping all the females happy. He was voted to have the best looking butt of all the male walkers (gee, that must have been a tough contest. Not!).

When it came time to leave on the ferry PP Louis, Miranda "King" Kong and Patricia decided they hadn't had enough (to drink?), so they walked back again to the other side of the island.

And they haven't been seen since.

Fund-Raising KGM Polio Plus Cookbook:
 
"Dining In with Great Chefs of Hong Kong" at only HK$188 (US$25) per copy is excellent value. An image of the cover has been uploaded to the KGM website.

To purchase your copies, contact President-Elect Patricia "Iron Lady" Blair on telephone 9312 3606 or by email or you can order copies online by major credit card through PayPal.

 
District 3450 News:
 
The 43rd Annual District Assembly, previously scheduled for Saturday 12 April 2003 at the Kowloon Shangri-La Hotel, Tsimshatsui East, has been postponed. The new details will be published here, when known.

 
Rotary International News:
 
The Rotary Club of Kabul, Afghanistan, was welcomed back into the Rotary family this week, ending a 24-year absence of Rotary in that country. This raises the total number of countries in which Rotary clubs are active to 166.

Hmmm. I wonder if Afghani "burkas" would be useful during our current health crisis?

 
Rotary Information: 
 
Tournament of Roses Parade: The Rotary International float in the annual Tournament of Roses Parade is undoubtedly the largest public relations project of the Rotary clubs of the United States and Canada. Since 1924 a Rotary float has been entered 18 times including every year since 1981. The famous Pasadena, California, parade is seen by an estimated 125 million people via worldwide television.

Funds for the construction of the Rotary parade entry are voluntarily given by Rotarians and clubs in the U.S. and Canada. The cost of designing, constructing and flower covering a Rose Parade float begins at about US$120,000.

A multi-district Rotary committee in Southern California coordinates planning of the Rotary float and provides hundreds of volunteer hours of service. The Rotary float must portray the annual parade theme, usually depicting one of the worldwide service programs of Rotary International.

Each New Year's Day, Rotarians take pride in seeing their attractive float and realize they have shared in its construction by contributing a dollar or two to this beautiful public relations project. 

Who Am I?
 
 
What is the more common name of timeless British singer Harry Rodger Webb  ?
 
The answer appears at the bottom of this issue.
 
 
Golden Smile: 
 
Brenda O'Malley is at home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
 
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
 
"Of course you can Tim, you're always welcome, but where's my husband?"
 
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the brewery..."
 
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me ........"
 
"Yes, sadly I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm very, very sorry."
 
After her initial shock and sorrow, she finally looked up at Tim and asked: "Tell me, how did it happen?"
 
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned."
 
"Oh my dear Jesus! Tell me honestly, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
 
"Well, Brenda ....... no."
 
"No?"
 
"Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
 
 
Quotable Quotes:

 
"Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source".
 
Ron Nesen
(referring to television)
 
The Phantom
Who Am I answer: Cliff Richard.

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