Golden
News
Volume 13 - Number 16 - 18 October
1999
The weekly newsletter of the Rotary Club of Kowloon
Golden Mile, Hong Kong.
Web site: www.rckgm.org
Pregnant
Pauses !
Well, we definitely have to give our
beloved President Ram "Bo" points for trying. In fact, he's very trying
!
After being criticised for months by yours truly for his
tardiness in respect of our regular lunch meetings, which are lucky to finish by
Thursday, last week he finally decided to do something about it. Yes Sir. You
could see the determination on his face as soon as he rang the gong, and you
could feel the tension in the air as he rose earlier than usual to commence the
meeting. Bravo !
The only small glitch is that he rose so early, that our
meeting had effectively ended by 1:40 p.m., and we were left with a 20
minute pregnant pause as our fearless leader tried to think of something we
could do to while away the time. Oh dear.
Nevertheless, we are definitely getting somewhere. I'm not
quite sure where exactly, but it is definitely somewhere. Meanwhile, our friends
at Ladbrokes (the bookies), have trimmed their odds on a 2:00 p.m. sharp finish
from 60:1 down to 35:1, and I think this outside bet is still worth a
flutter.
I'm gonna put myself down for $100. I'm also gonna bring
a magazine to the next meeting !
Former KGM Member
Update:
Our old mate and former KGM member Steve "Like That, Not Like That"
Evans, who has been living in Tokyo for the last two years, sent me an
email message recently, and an edited extract of his
message follows:
"I have some great news for
you all. We have a group of twelve (12) people so far that meet every
week in the name of Rotary, and it is my guess that by January next year we will
be able to apply to RI for formation of a new club in Tokyo, which will be
the first ever English-speaking club in Japan. I will keep you informed of
future progress.
On a personal level my
business is doing fine, and I am just in the process of going "Yuken Kisha"
which in English means a Limited Company. Would love to see you guys & gals
pay a visit to Tokyo. Anyway keep up the good work in the name of Rotary and I
hope to see you all soon.
My best and warmest
regards,
Steve Evans"
KGM members can
contact Steve by email at: sevans@crisscross.com however
please type slowly because he cannot read very
fast.
Welcome Committee:
On duty this week
are Hans "Goldilocks" Peter and Thomas "Satch" Mo.
Don't forget guys that
you're supposed to arrive at the club not later than 12:30 p.m. and you're
supposed to wear those silly and garish red sashes.
This Week's Speakers: The Rotaract
Club of
KGM
Topic:
Mentorship Program
This week we are delighted to welcome President Angela
O.C. Wong, Professional Development Director Joey Ma and other members from the
Rotaract Club of Kowloon Golden Mile, who will be making a presentation on their
proposed "Mentorship Program".
KGM's most eligible bachelor and President-Erect "Butch"
Cassidy Lam has been our Chief Liaison between the two KGM's, and
he informs me that our younger colleagues are continuing to do a
wonderful job in the local community and I expect we will hear more about
their recent activities during their presentation.
"Service Above
Self" Award Presentation:
Sister Maureen
McGinley MBE
Also during this week's meeting, we are delighted that local
Community Service icon Sister Maureen McGinley MBE will be our guest of
honour. We shall be presenting her with an award for her tireless,
selfless and dedicated work in Hong Kong, especially in respect of her work with
The Society For AIDS Care, which she established in
1995.
This Week's Birthday
Celebrants:
17 October - Chris "Mr. Punctuality" Carroll,
who shares his birthday with Evel Knieval, the daredevil stuntman who always
seems to dice with danger with a devil-may-care attitude, regardless of the
possible outcome. Hmmm.
22 October - "Stormin'" Norman Liu, who shares his birthday
with Curly Howard, the chubby bald member of The Three Stooges, who our
Brit mates would probably refer to as the "slap-head", because he was
invariably on the receiving end of Moe's forehand.
Next Fellowship Event: Chinese Night
& Karaoke !
Well it's still on, and it's still a case of good news (it's
free to non-Chinese members) and bad news (there's karaoke), but that's all I
can tell you at the moment.
The date is still 20 November
1999, but the venue is yet to be decided. Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum.
Anyway, watch this space ----->
<----- for more details in future bulletins, but mark your diaries now
!
Forthcoming Club & District
Events:
1) Vocational Service Seminar - 26 October
1999
This will be hosted by the RC of Peninsula (during
their regular Tuesday lunch meeting), at the Hong Kong Hotel. Contact KGM
Vocational Service Director Miranda Kong at miranda@clotex.com.hk or by telephone to
9199 3077 if you would like to attend.
2)
District Tennis Tournament - 30 October 1999
This evening event will be hosted under lights by
the RC of Hongkong Bayview at the Club de Recreio, King's Park,
Kowloon. If you would like to form a team, contact KGM Sports Liaison
Officer PP Bryan Van Dale at bvd@pacific.net.hk or by telephone to 9481
5586.
3) KGM Fund-Raising Walkathon - 5 December
1999
This will be
held on Sunday 5 December 1999, at the same
venue as last year but, since I forget where that was, I am still waiting for
organisers President Erect "Butch" Cassidy Lam or PP Louis "Trailwalker" Thomas
to remind me, so that I can put the details in the bulletin. Hello ? Anybody
there ?? HELLO ??? Nobody ever tells me anything, well at least nothing I can
publish here.
Anyway, your club hopes
that this event will be the sole Fund Raising event of the year, and we expect
that every member will raise (or contribute) not less
than the paltry sum of $2,000 in sponsorship. Official KGM Sponsorship
Forms will be available soon.
If we don't achieve our
Fund-Raising target with this event, we will need to embark upon additional
fund-raising activities, so please support this event and maybe we can leave you
alone for the rest of the year, OK ?
Netiquette:
I
would like to remind KGM members of three important Internet
issues:
1) Email Attachments - As advised
to you in a previous issue, NEVER open (double-click) ANY attachment you receive
in an email message without firstly scanning it with a current version
anti-virus program, even if you receive the email from a trusted source. In the
last two weeks I have received five (5) potentially computer-devastating viruses
in email attachments, however due to my anally retentiveness, I averted disaster
by scanning and eradicating the viruses before opening the files. Remember you
cannot get a virus simply by receiving an email; you need to be a dumb schmuck
and open an infected attachment to launch it !
I highly recommend Norton Anti-Virus 2000 (also called Norton
Anti-Virus 6), which actually scans email attachments as they are being
downloaded. This program is about HK$600 and is the best money I ever spent on
computer software. Go buy it. NOW !
2) Get-Rich-Quick Emails - I
receive at least six (6) SCAM emails every day offering me a variety of
investment opportunities that will make me a multi-millionaire in seven days or
less. These range from Internet opportunities which are being offered to me (by
some joker who doesn't know me from Adam), because I am a "discerning
individual" to emails from Nigerians scamsters who have, in each
case, recently discovered a few billion dollars in the Nigerian Government
Treasury, which they desperately want to share with me (yes folks, even those
crooks have now joined the 20th century).
When you receive such offers, you have a delete button on
your email program. Use it. Immediately.
3) Chain Emails - These are more
irritating than harmful, but they are a great way to really annoy your friends.
My favorite is the one which says if I forward the email to 47 friends, the nice
people at Microsoft or AOL will send me bucket loads of money.
However it amazes me how many otherwise intelligent and
self-employed people (including members of KGM), who have forwarded these to me
with the comment "Hey, what have we got to lose?". Well folks, the answer is: My
bloody patience !
Please DO NOT forward chain emails. You would probably not
forward ones you receive by post (please say "Of course not!"), so do not think
that just because it is easier to do so by email, that you should suddenly
become brain-dead, OK ? Thanks !
KGM Web Site:
A new "Search" hyperlink has been added to the very top of
the main web site page and, when you click on this, you are immediately scrolled
down at warp-speed to a selection of popular search engines. However "Google" is
the Webmaster's recommendation, which was introduced by our old mate
Terrence "I'm Still On My Honeymoon, Which Is Why I Can't Get This
Dumb Smile Off My Face" Annamunthodo. Although I have not had the pleasure of
meeting Terrence's better half yet, wouldn't it be hilarious if her first name
was "Anna" ! Oh God, what have I said? If her name IS Anna,
boy, I am gonna have egg on my face.
Anyway, there is also a new pop-up hyperlink to an image of
the KGM "Banner Postcard" under the "Invitation" section.
By the way, our "Photo Gallery" under the "Member's Stuff"
section gave me another warm & fuzzy feeling this week when Hans "Cow
Bell" Peter told me how his family in Germany regularly check for photos of him
at fellowships posted on our web site, which they download and keep. Pretty cool
stuff, huh ?
Finally our web site has now been rated by RSACi as "suitable
for all ages", and the RASCi logo appears at the extreme bottom of the page. You
can click on the logo to obtain more information, however our rating is
basically confirmation that there is no sex, bad language or violence at KGM.
Well, at least on the web site. The meetings are another
matter altogether !
Cool Internet Site Of The
Week:
You've heard of MENSA, right ? Well this site has, among
other brain teasers, the original DENSA Quiz.
It's a lot of fun, so check it out.
Quote Of The Week:
"If I had to live my life over again, I'd
probably make the same mistakes, only sooner."
Tallulah Bankhead (1903-1968)
Joke Of The Week:
During his recent visit to the USA, the Pope (who is also
Head of State of the Vatican City), was scheduled to hold two days of
meetings with US President Bill Clinton.
At the end of the two days, President Clinton emerged looking
extremely tired, but relatively happy. As he approached the throngs of reporters
assembled on the White House lawn, he was asked to describe how the meeting
went.
"Well", he said, "There were some differences of opinion, but
I am nonetheless delighted to announce that the Pontiff and I agreed on 80% of
the issues discussed, and I therefore consider our meeting to be a huge
success". He continued, "If you will now excuse me, I am about to leave to spend
the weekend with my family at Martha's Vineyard".
A few moments later the Holy See, looking equally tired,
emerged and proceeded to approach the same reporters, however he had a distinct
look of disappointment on his face. Predictably, the reporters asked him
the same question.
"Well", he said, "I am very disappointed to announce that
President Clinton and I only managed to agree on 80% of the issues which we
discussed over the past two days, and I therefore consider our meeting to be a
failure".
Obviously the reporters were confused that both men confirmed
the 80% figure, but they had opposing views on whether this result should be
considered a success or a failure.
A reporter asked: "But Your Holiness, how can you possibly
consider agreement on 80% of the issues to be a failure?".
"Well", the Pope replied: "We spent both days discussing
the Ten Commandments" !
The Phantom