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Hmmm. Although I am not a superstitious person, I think I better be very careful with this issue - Volume 13, Issue 13 - especially since I am presently being watched by a ferocious looking black cat !

Anyway, last Friday was the Community Chest "Dress Casual Day" but, since your intrepid Editor ALWAYS dresses casually, I was trying to decide whether I should wear a dinner suit OR go around Hong Kong in my birthday suit. However Mrs. Phantom reminded me that I no longer have a "Body Beautiful" (God love her, I convinced her that I actually once did !), so she advised me NOT to go the birthday suit route. Apparently this had something to do with her recent viewing of the movie "The Nutty Professor".

Nevertheless, in a spirit of trying to do my bit for the greater good, I decided not to wear any underwear or socks all day, and I'm still trying to remove my trousers and shoes. My dry-cleaner, apparently on hearing about this, suddenly decided to move although I cannot, for the life of me, imagine why.

To make matters worse, and despite my personal sacrifice for the less fortunate in Hong Kong, the Community Chest declined to accept the $500 note I sent them from my back pocket, citing "a prevalence of toxic fumes far in excess of EPD limits", whatever that means. I guess they want a cheque.

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Well I continue to be impressed. Not only did VP Ebe Tung "Chee Watusi" conduct last week's meeting again very presidentially, she again managed to finish her second meeting at 2:00 p.m. sharp. I think it's time (pardon the pun) for a fatherly chat with President Ram "Bo" about his tardiness, eventhough we all love him madly.

However I must correct one erroneous statement made by our beloved VP Ebe during the meeting concerning ascendancy to the Presidency (I'm a poet and didn't know it !). In KGM, the only position which automatically progresses to the post of President is President-Elect. All other posts are subject to nomination and election each year.

On that note, I will shortly be providing you with more information about our next AGM and election, which is scheduled for 15 December 1999.

June Liau, who thankfully survived the terrible earthquake which struck Taiwan last week. June was asleep in bed in her hotel in Taipei when the earthquake hit, and she recounted to me the confusion, dizziness and sense of helplessness which she experienced. I have personally only experienced earthquakes of the sub 5 Richter scale level, and that was scary enough, so I can imagine how June felt with such a huge magnitude earthquake.

On that note, your Board will be shortly be considering whether we can make a financial contribution to assist the survivors of this terrible tragedy, which caused the tragic loss of so many lives.

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For the benefit of newer KGM members, the Club Assembly usually occurs four times a year, and this is when your Board reports to you on the activities of their respective committees since the previous Club Assembly. This is also an opportunity for members to ask questions of each Director after he or she has made their report (i.e. Give 'em hell !!).

Directors are reminded to come to the meeting suitably prepared but, if you are unable to personally attend, you are required to send a brief written report to the President, so that he can make a presentation on your behalf.

01 October - PP Robin "Bam-Bam" Ching, who shares his birthday with Julie Andrews (of "Sound Of Music" fame). Of course this is rather ironic, given that our beloved PP Robin is tone deaf !  I also reckon he would look lousy dancing around in a dress on top of the Von Trapp mountain while singing: "The hills are alive, with the sound of mucous .....".

02 October - Diana "Red Baron" Chou, who shares her birthday with Donna Karan (of DKNY fame) and Groucho Marx. The latter probably explains why she often sits next to Brian "Harpo" Hodgson and Manu "Chico" Chulani during lunch meetings.

In keeping with recent practice, members who have booked spaces at fellowship events are required to make payment to the club in full in advance of the event, and the deadline for the Oktoberfest payment is this Wednesday 29 September.

Please make cheques payable to "Rotary Club of Kowloon Golden Mile" and pass them to Assistant Fellowship Director Hans "The Hun" Peter, who will immediately give you your tickets. To date we have over 50 reservations, but the most we can accommodate is 60 so, if you have not booked your places yet but still wish to attend, this will be your last chance.

Of course, "Money Talks, (deleted) Walks".

For those of you who have been on the Planet Zork for the last few weeks and don't know anything about this fellowship, read on:

The Rotary Foundation is the premier fund-raising arm of Rotary International.

Any person (Rotarians or otherwise) who contributes the sum of US$1,000 to the Rotary Foundation is recognised as a "Paul Harris Fellow", and they receive recognition in the form of a certificate, a pin and a medallion. The contribution can be made in one lump sum OR by 10 "no-time-limit" installments of US$100 each as a "Sustaining Member".

For every additional US$1,000 contribution, the donor will receive a special pin with a blue sapphire embedded on the surface to signify each additional contribution, up to a maximum of US$6,000 for a complete pin, known affectionately as a "5 Star Pin". Additionally, a donor can become a Rotary Foundation Benefactor by pledging US$1,000 to the Rotary Foundation in their will.

At present, the Rotary Foundation receives some US$50 million per annum in contributions, which are used to support the various programs undertaken by it, including Matching Grants, Helping Grants, 3H (Health, Hunger & Humanity) Grants, Polio Plus, Disaster Relief Grants, Group Study Exchanges and Ambassadorial Scholarships.

If you are interested in obtaining more information about the outstanding work of the Rotary Foundation and/or becoming a donor, please contact KGM Rotary Foundation Director Elissa Cohen.

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Well folks, your web site just keeps getting bigger, brighter and better. Not only were we the first club in District 3450 to have a web site, but there is no doubt that ours continues to be the most innovative, comprehensive and up-to-date.

If you go to "Member's Stuff" and click on "Club Classifications", you will find a list of all membership classifications. This list is not 100% perfect yet, but your membership committee is currently reviewing the list, and corrections will be made in due course, as and where appropriate and in accordance with Rotary guidelines.

However when the "Club Classifications" page opens, you will find a link to a "Members Only" password protected link where, after you enter the correct "User Name" and "Password", a full roster of all members and their contact details will open. Current KGM members will receive the relevant codes in a separate e-mail during the week.

Kindly note that this list is EXCLUSIVELY for MEMBERS ONLY, and it may NOT be given to anybody else. Moreover it may NOT be used by members to promote their goods and/or services. The list is provided solely to facilitate member-to-member contacts.

Your Board of Directors will view VERY SERIOUSLY any instances of misuse of the roster for commercial means, and any such use will be sufficient grounds for immediate expulsion from the club. This is NOT a joke.

Please do not abuse the trust which is being placed in you OR the privacy of other KGM members.

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1) Ever wonder what happened to Monica Lewinsky, former spokesperson for the Cuban Cigar Testers Association ? Well folks, just click on www.therealmonicainc.com to find out.

2)  Interested in some good clean "magic" fun ? Click on www.caveofmagic.com/ and, if you cannot figure out how it works, just send me an e-mail or ask me.

3) Trivia Question: Can you guess which birthday the Internet celebrates this year ? Choices (a) 15 years (b) 18 years (c) 21 years (d) 25 years (e) 30 years. Answer at the end of this bulletin.

"There are two types of people in this world: good and bad. The good people sleep better, but the bad people seem to enjoy the waking hours a whole lot more."

Woody Allen

The psychiatrist was holding a group consultation with three young mothers and their young children.

"You all have obsessions" he told them "And you have illustrated this to me sub-consciously."

To the first one, he said: "Your obsession is eating, which is why you've named your daughter Candy."

To the second  he said: "Your obsession is alcohol, hence you've named your daughter Sherry."

The third, he said: "Your obsession is money, and this manifests itself in your daughter's name Penny."

At this point, the fourth mother arose and, taking her little boy by the hand, she whispered into his ear:

"Let's go, Dick."

Answer to the Trivia Question: The Internet celebrates it's 30th Birthday this year. Now you know what a dinosaur you really are if you only started using it this year !