RCKGM Golden News - Volume 13

Well, despite giving our beloved President Ram "Bo" a hard time in previous issues about his tardiness in respect of running meetings, it seems our fearless leader is still operating on Indian Time. Usually this is not a big deal, but last week our guest speaker had so little time available to him, his presentation was like a course in speed-reading and question time was reminiscent of a livestock auction. Not good.

Oh well, never mind. For the next two weeks our meetings will be conducted by VP Ebe Tung "Chee Watusi", as our President is making a trip to Europe (hopefully via Switzerland to buy a decent watch). Anyway, I hope every member will join me in giving support and encouragement to VP Ebe, as she makes her first attempt at conducting our meetings. Eggs and tomatoes will, of course, be available for those of you who think VP Ebe should also practice ducking and weaving !

By the way, once again NONE of our tripartite of Sergeants-At-Arms turned up for last week's meeting (SHAME ON YOU !), so Elissa "The Enforcer" Cohen took over the reigns at the last minute, much to the chagrin of those unfortunate enough to attract her expensive attention. Ouch ! I think the least Elissa could do is offer an installment plan for payment of her "fines" which, in total, probably exceeds the national debt of the Republic of Tabasco.

Welcome:

1) A warm welcome to our newest member James Tsang, who was inducted into KGM as an Active Member on 8 September 1999 under the loaned classification of "Law - US Taxation". James was introduced to KGM by VP Alex "The Visa Man" Lau.

If you have not already done so, please introduce yourself to James and make him even more welcome. We look forward to seeing James regularly at club meetings and fellowship events, and we hope he will also be an active contributor to our Community Service activities.

2) Also a hearty welcome to our young friends at the Rotaract Club of Kowloon Golden Mile who, commencing with this issue, are now on the Golden News e-mailing list. I sincerely hope you guys and gals enjoy and understand each issue. However, if you do need a translation, I suggest you get a copy of Crocodile Dundee's "Australian-Cantonese-Hindi Slang Dictionary", available from all leading book stores located within 20 miles of Ayer's Rock.

1) Martyn "I hate vowels" Davies, who has been Missing In Action for the past few months, was recently found singing Welsh ballads in a former Vietcong tunnel in Ho Chi Min City by Patricia "Iron Lady" Blair (but don't ask me what SHE was doing there !). Anyway, as a result of Martyn fulfilling all his obligations, he has now been reinstated as an Active Member of KGM.

2) Jack "The Lad" O'Rourke recently returned to KGM for a guest appearance, but we are delighted to see that he has been doing regular "make-ups" while he has been overseas. Well done, Jack ! Keep up your excellent attendance record and we won't talk about you behind your back !

Prospective New Member:

The Membership Committee and the Board of Directors have approved an application for Active membership proposed by DG Dipo Sani in favour of Ms. Jane Singer, Publisher of the garment trade tabloid "Inside Fashion". The proposed classification which is being loaned to her is "Publishing - Fashion Magazine".

Any club member who wishes to lodge an objection to this proposal is required to do so in writing to the Club Secretary within 7 days from the date of this notice (i.e. on or before 20 September), setting out the reasons for their objection.

If no objections are received within the specified period (and subject to payment of her relevant joining fees and dues), Ms. Singer will be inducted as an Active member of KGM on or after 22 September, 1999.

I have absolutely no idea what this is all about and, frankly speaking, I am too afraid to ask ! However, if our lunch is comprised of doggie biscuits, a bone and a bowl of water, kindly send your brickbats to Program Director Brian "Need To Know" Hodgson and not to me, OK ?

However, despite our speaker's topic, I have been instructed to warn members that anyone caught using the potted plants in the Crystal Room for nature calls will be heavily fined by our Sergeant, and they will also have their tails briskly whacked with a rolled up newspaper. Bad doggie.

14 September - Rajiv "Beans" Makhija, who shares his birthday with New Zealand actor Sam Neill (he played the visiting Doctor in "Jurassic Park" and the nice Russian sailor who wanted to retire in Montana, USA in "Hunt For Red October").

Hmmm. We definitely suspect foul play here, and the matter may be reported to the ICAC.

What is the first thing the 27 KGM members and their guests discovered as we sat down for dinner at Fat Angelo's on Saturday evening ? Hanging directly above our table was a portrait of Fat Angelo, which bore a *remarkable resemblance* to our Assistant Fellowship Organiser Hans "Honestly, I'm German" Peter !!! Very suspicious if you ask me ..........

Anyway a great night was had by all. Animated fellowship, tons of great food, the beer and (so-so) wine kept flowing, and PP Louis "I'm Just Resting My Eyes" Thomas nodded off while eating his Fettuccine Alfredo. Luckily we anticipated this so, for safety reasons, we gave him a fork with a large cork attached to the end. In other words, a typical KGM Fellowship, which realised a small surplus of $900 to boot.

Photos of the evening will be posted to the Photo Gallery on the KGM Web Site later this week.

HAI-BIN-DOE-AH?: Crystal Ballroom, Holiday Inn Golden Mile Hotel, Tsimshatsui. (If you need to ask directions, please see the Rotary rules about your Attendance requirements !).

GAY-SEE-AH?: 7:30 p.m., Saturday, 9 October 1999.

DIM-GUY-AH?: Because our lady members have this thing about Teutonic men in leiderhosen, OK ?

GAY-CHEEN-AH?: $450 per head (if paid by Wednesday, 29 September, otherwise it is $500 per head - NO exceptions !)

YAU-MUTT-YEAH-AH?: Miles of German sausages (including bratwurst, knockwurst, for-better-or-for-wurst), pig knuckles, sauerkraut (no comment !), gallons of beer and lots of Apple Schnapps. There is also plenty of entertainment, including a German "Oom-Pah" band, a German Dolly Parton look-a-like (she has extremely large, er, um, "hands", if you catch my drift), and there will also be people doing amazing things with whips and feathers. Sounds like my honeymoon. Yeeeee-haaaaa ! Whip me, whip me !

WEB-SITE-AH?: www.goldenmile.com (when you get there, click on "F&B Promotions" on the right-hand side).

To make your payment-ah, see Hans "The Hun" Peter (Like, who else, dude ??).

This is one of our most popular fellowship events each year, and we already have 30 firm bookings. Space is limited, so contact Hans as soon as possible to reserve (and pay for) your places. Schnell ! Achtung ! Etc. !

1) KGM Fund-Raising Walkathon - New !

Although the details are still being finalised by President-Erect "Hop-a-long" Cassidy Lam, KGM members are advised that we plan to have another Fund-Raising Walkathon on Sunday 21 November 1999, so mark your diary now. As usual, this will be combined with a fellowship barbeque (of course this is only for members who don't pass out enroute). Watch this space for more information.

By the way, as much as I would really love to walk a few miles in the sweltering heat and humidity, your erstwhile Bulletin Editor has reluctantly accepted appointment as Defender Of the Barbeque Utensils at the barbeque site. It's a gruelling and rotten job, but somebody's got to do it, right ? Anyway, I am the only KGM member who has a shotgun and a license !

2) Rotary Foundation Seminar - Final Reminder.

This event will be held from 8:30 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. on Saturday 18th September at the Holiday Inn Golden Mile Hotel, Tsimshatsui.

If you would like to attend this event and learn more about the work and wonderful achievements of the Rotary Foundation, please contact KGM Rotary Foundation Director Elissa "Mrs. T" Cohen.

3) District Ten Pin Bowling Competition - Final Reminder.

This event will be held from 9:30 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. on Sunday 3rd October at the Super Fun Bowl at Mei Foo Sun Chuen .

If any KGM member is interested in forming a four-person team to participate in this competition, just send an email to Hans "The Destroyer" Peter at ljhooker@pacific.net.hk not later than the end of this week.

Note that non-Rotarians (including partners of Rotarians), may *not* be members of any team.

Due to the "War & Peace" length of the Golden News this week, new Rotary Information will be deferred until next week.

Commentary - KGM Protocol:

Members are reminded that they are responsible for the conduct of their guests at KGM meetings, and one of our "unwritten" rules is that member's guests should NOT come to our meetings primarily to promote their business activities.

If you have a guest who would like to promote their goods and/or services to club members, just contact the Program Director who will be happy to arrange for him or her to be our guest speaker. Alternatively, you may consider sponsoring your guest to become a member of KGM, in accordance with ruling membership procedures.

However it is wholly inappropriate for your guests to attend meetings of our club for business promotion purposes.

As one member emailed me recently: "I go to Rotary lunches to relax with friends and to listen to a speaker. I do NOT expect to be hassled by sales people. I get enough of that every week at the office".

Enough said ?

Hallelujah ! After (you would not believe how many) hours of work and enough profanities to embarrass a merchant seaman, the KGM Web Site has finally been transferred to our own domain name at www.rckgm.org and it is up and running flawlessly.

When you visit the new site, you may need to clear your "cache", otherwise you may have difficulties viewing some pages. The cache is the part of your web browser which keeps web pages stored in a temporary directory on your computer's hard drive to enable faster loading of previously viewed Internet pages. If any of the images on our web site do not load when you visit our new location, the following paragraph explains how you can correct the problem.

Those of you who use Microsoft Internet Explorer should click on Tools/Internet Options (at the top of your screen) and click on the "General" tab. In the middle section called "Temporary Internet Files", click on "Delete Files" (and check "Delete all offline content" on the pop-up screen, if available, then click "OK"), then click "OK" again to close the "Internet Options" window.

Those of you who use Netscape need your heads examined (Hodgo, this includes you !). Bill Gates rules, OK ?

The "delete" operation described above will NOT delete any of your personal files, only temporary Internet files. Trust me on this.

However, if you still experience problems viewing the KGM Web Site at our new domain, please let me know and I will do my best to assist you.

1) Our beloved President-Erect "Butch" Cassidy Lam has asked that members note his new company name and contact details which are as follows: AXA China Region Insurance Co. Limited (formerly National Mutual), Room 1007, Miramar Tower, 1 Kimberley Road, Tsimshatsui. His office telephone number is 2151 3538, his office fax number is 2151 3500 and his pager is 8102 2883. His shirt size is 16, he likes to wear argyle socks, he drinks Amaretto on the rocks (stirred anti-clockwise), he drives a Porsche and he is the ONLY and therefore most eligible (or is that illegible ?) bachelor in KGM. Call him sometimes, OK ? I think he gets kinda lonely.

2) Congratulations to Dayal "Safari Suit" Aswani who recently became a Grandfather. I don't know if this is his first grandchild, but it is nevertheless time for a celebration. Mine's a Myers's Rum & Coke, thanks Dayal !

"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like nobody's watching !".

The kindergarten class was given a homework assignment to find out about "something exciting" in their homes, which they would relate to the whole class the following day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher called on them one at a time to come to the front of the class and tell their story.

As usual, she was reluctant to call upon little Johnny, knowing that he could sometimes be a bit crude.

However when little Johnny's turn eventually arrived, he simply walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, drew a small white dot on the blackboard, after which he returned to his seat.

As the teacher couldn't understand what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, she asked him to explain.