Golden News
Volume 13 - Number 07
The weekly newsletter of the Rotary Club of Kowloon Golden Mile, Hong Kong.
Visit our web site at:
www.freez.com/kgmECLIPSE ? WHAT ECLIPSE ?
Sure. President Ram "Bo" could not preside over our regular luncheon meeting last week because one of his big shot bosses from Indosuez (the Indian guys who own the Suez Canal, near Mexico), was in town. Yeah, right.
Well folks, my spies tell me that our fearless leader was actually spotted on top of Victoria Peak, chanting and praying to The God of the Sun (whose name, oddly enough, is "Sunny"), in preparation for the forthcoming eclipse. Unfortunately though, one line of his chant was "That's the way, A-ha, A-ha, I like it", which caused a nearby group of visiting African-American sailors to break into a hip-hop dance. Luckily nobody was injured, but I understand our beloved leader was charged by Police for "Inciting Rhythmic Activity By Chanting A Mantra While Butt Naked Without A License".
While all this was going on, KGM was left in the very capable hands of our President-Erect "Butch" Cassidy Lam, which I thought was rather appropriate under the prevailing climatic conditions, and given his former association with the Sundance Kid. Get it ?? Eclipse ! Sundance !! Oh, never mind.
Meanwhile back in England, as the moon passed completely in front of the sun, and the country was cast into a total, eerie darkness, (and former member Eric "Whack Whack" Lee had to use a flashlight to search for his golf ball in the rough), nobody noticed anything unusual. They all thought it was just another typical day in England. OK, I don't mean to continually poke fun at the English. The same reaction was also recorded in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. There. Happy now ?
Of course, in Beijing, the Foreign Ministry issued a stern warning that the moon should not interfere in the internal climatic affairs of another country.
Yeah yeah, I know. Pretty corny stuff. Well YOU try and think of something mildly humourous to write every week, OK ?
WELCOME BACK ......
IPP Raju "Double Breast" Daswani who returns to HK after a 6 week hiatus in Singapore. Apparently his charming wife Shalini will not return for another 2 weeks, and my guess is that she probably needs a well deserved break after spending 6 weeks with Raju !!
VP Ebe "Jeebie" Tung, who returns from a 4 week holiday in the US with hubby "Cohiba" Sam and their two terrific kids Chris and Nicole.
Rtn. Neerja Sujanani who, being in the final weeks of her pregnancy, looks like a beach ball with arms (and I mean that in the nicest possible way). Neerja looks absolutely radiant and everybody at KGM wishes her the very best for her confinement. Is that the correct word, 'coz it sounds like something you do with a POW ? Or is that "internment" ? Whatever. In any case, young Neerja won't be able to run very far right now !
DG Dipo Sani "Tarium", who graced our meeting with his presence, as he took a much needed break from his duties as Most Worshipful Grand Pubah of District 3450. By the way, I hope everybody (especially our Sergeants !), saw his photograph and article on Page 14 of the South China Morning Post on Friday 13th August ?
Actually I have been trying to work out why Dipo never smiles in his photographs, and I think I have it all figured out. If District First Lady Renu is reading this, I recommend er, ah, shall we say a lot more fibre in his diet. Colon cleansing is another possibility. Ahem. End of medical suggestions.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. We have a change of address to report.
Terrence Annamunthodo "But I'm OK now" has asked me to inform all members of his new business address, because he apparently believes people actually want to find him. Anyway, his new address is Suite 908B, Lippo Centre, Tower II, 89 Queensway, Hong Kong.
Go see him sometimes, OK ? I think he gets kinda lonely up there counting money in his ivory tower.
AND THE BEAT(ING) GOES ON !
Whoever said "You can attract more flies with honey than vinegar" was wrong. I have proof positive that public harassment and nasty comments can work wonders, at least as far as this club's somewhat lethargic membership is concerned. What am I talking about ?
Well folks, it is my profound pleasure this week to welcome Kenneth So "and So" and Mazhar (grape joke deleted) Sultana back into the fold, as they are both now EEE's on the WWW (Email Enabled Enigmas on the World Wide Wait) ! A huge Mexican wave spontaneously erupts in the background, as ticker-tape cascades down from the balconies.
Kenneth succumbed after I berated him recently in Tsimshatsui MTR, and Mazhar has finally found her missing email address in her computer (it was deceptively filed under "c:/my email address is here").
Hence we now have 54 of 55 members on-line, which represents a 98% penetration. Oooooh ! Aaaaah ! I've really gotta stop using such suggestive words.
And who, pray tell, is the last remaining Jurassic Park stalwart who has yet to be shamed into joining the 21st century ? Yep. You guessed it. (Sound from Twilight Zone commences).
Angel Flintstone-Yan, our Multi-level Marketing Mogul. OK Angel, get with the program. This is your final warning. If you are NOT on-line by the end of August, I'm gonna tell Watson's all the nasty things you said about their distilled water.
LAST WEEK'S SPEAKER: Rtn. Silva Yeungic: "The Special Olympics"
What an appropriate name for our beloved Treasurer Silva "Medal" Yeung, who was Team Leader for the highly successful Hong Kong contingent to the Special Olympics earlier this year. Silva gave us a very interesting talk and video presentation about his experiences in South Carolina which, by the way, is apparently the only American state which still flies the Confederate Flag above their State Capitol building. I guess some people never know when they are beaten.
Here's a thought: If Silva's wife could change her name to "Golda", maybe the Hong Kong team would win even more medals !
Trivia: According to Silva, there are only two sporting events which are authorised to use the word "Olympics" in their name other than THE summer or winter Olympics, and these are the Special Olympics (for the mentally handicapped), and the Para-Olympics (for the physically handicapped).
Anyway the vote of thanks was given by PP Joseph "Klu Klux" Kwan, an Australian of dubious state origin (Queensland - Official State Mascot: "Babe The Pig").
THIS WEEK'S SPEAKER: Mrs. Cheung-Ang Siew Mei
Topic: "Domestic Helpers & Migrant's Appeal"
Employers who believe their Domestic Helpers should work 23 hours a day *without* pay and that they should sleep in a cupboard under the sink need not attend.
NEXT FELLOWSHIP EVENT:
Zzzzzzzzzz.
NEXT BOARD MEETING:
Club Directors are reminded that the next Board Meeting for the year will be convened this Tuesday, 17th August at 6:30 p.m. at the 2/F of the Holiday Inn Golden Mile.
If you are unable to personally attend, please submit your written report (along with a cash contribution of $100 towards the kitty), to either the President or the Secretary, not later than midday of the day of the meeting.
An electronic "Apologies for Absence" form is also available under "Club Forms" on the KGM web site.
KGM WEB SITE:
Well, waddya know ! It now seems that our District *can* occasionally recognise talent and brilliance, because the District web site currently lists the KGM web site as "Most Improved Club Web Site". Aw, schucks ! Thanks, guys.
Jokes aside, District 3450 Webmaster Bill Benter (RC Kowloon North) is like a breath of fresh air, as he is willing to acknowledge when KGM is innovative, such as with our "On-Line Forms". He is also a gentleman, because he always asks permission before he uses one of our ideas for the District web site. Well done, Bill. Your stock just went up another few points in my book !
In fact, Bill has asked the KGM Webmaster for ideas on how to improve the District web site.
By the way, if members visit the KGM web site, scroll down to the "Member's Stuff" section, click on "Club Calendar" and scroll down to "District & International Events", you will find a direct hyperlink to the RI web page which promotes and provides comprehensive information about the next Rotary International Convention to be held in Buenos Aires in June 2000.
Yet another first for KGM ?
Anyway, although KGM has yet to appoint our official "RI Convention Organiser", I nominate Elissa "Cha-Cha" Cohen, who secretly told me she will do her famous sexy table dance (while juggling a bowl of peanuts), for all KGM delegates who go to Buenos Aires.
Having seen her last effort during dinner one evening at the RI Convention in Taipei in 1994, I can tell you that Elissa's table dances are definitely NOT to be missed. Book now. I'll bring the red rose and the castanets ! I also promise to brush up on my CPR technique for those who laugh so much that they get heart palpitations ..........
NETIQUETTE:
Our next lesson has to do with email privacy and security.
When you receive your weekly copy of the Golden News, you will note that neither your name nor anybody else's name appears in the "To" or "Cc" space at the top of the message, hence nobody except me knows to whom the message was sent. How and why do I do this ? Simple.
Firstly I created an email "Group" in my address book which I called "KGM Members", and then I added every member of KGM to this group. Hence when I send out the Golden News, all I need to do is click on "KGM Members" and bingo-bango the message is sent to everybody in my group in one go. If I did the same thing using fax software, the program would need to dial every number individually, and this would take hours instead of seconds to complete.
Moreover, when I click on "KGM Members", I use the "Bcc" function, which stands for "Blind Carbon Copy". OK, we rarely use carbon paper anymore, but the term originated back in those dim dark days of blackened fingers.
By using the "Bcc" function, the names of each recipient are concealed from all the others, and this provides an element of privacy and security to everybody, because nobody else can grab hold of our club member's email addresses from my message.
If I just used either "To" or "Cc", then everybody's email address is visible at the top of the message. Of course if I want to send a message to a few people and I want everybody to know who I have copied, then I will use the "To" and "Cc" options.
Anyway, if you ever receive unsolicited and/or unwanted email messages, at least you know who NOT to blame !!
FORTHCOMING DISTRICT EVENTS
1. Membership Development Seminar - Reminder
This will be held from 6:30 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. on Friday 27th August at the Holiday Inn Golden Mile Hotel, Tsimshatsui. This event will also be an "Inter-city Meeting", which means there will be multiple Rotary Clubs from District 3450 acting as joint-hosts for the seminar.
If you would like to attend this event, contact KGM Membership Director Carola Masuch or President Ram. Of course any member who attends this event is entitled to claim one (1) "make-up" towards their attendance record.
2. Rotary Foundation Seminar
This will be held from 8:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. on Saturday 18th September somewhere in Hong Kong. If you would like to attend this event, contact KGM Rotary Foundation Director Elissa "Peanuts" Cohen.
3. District Badminton Tournament
This will be held sometime in September, somewhere in Hong Kong. If you would like to attend this event, please contact somebody as soon as possible.
(Hey, I really didn't want to list these last two events because the final details have not yet been announced OK, but our vicious President told me I had to do it !).
THIS WEEK'S BIRTHDAY CELEBRANTS:
15 August - 400 squillion people in India ! Well, almost. The 52nd India Independence Day was 15 August 1999, so I guess it is the 52nd birthday of "The World's Largest Democracy". Hmmm. That's gonna be one helluva carrot cake !
Sergeants-At-Arms kindly note: All Indian members of KGM attending our regular luncheon meeting on 18 August are required to contribute $50 each towards our blue boxes. Those who *do not* attend are required to contribute $100 each. This is stated very clearly in the Club Bye-Laws. I know this because I just changed the Club Bye-Laws. Any questions ? No ? Good !
Apart from the above, there are no individual KGM members who celebrate (or commiserate) a birthday this week, although it is possible that one of the three KGM members who continue to ignore my repeated requests for them to provide me with their birth date could inadvertently be overlooked.
As regular readers can attest, I am NOT one to name names, and I certainly have no intention of starting now by telling you the three delinquent members are Balu Chainrai, John Li and Jack O'Rourke, because their birthdays are apparently covered by the Official Secrets Act.
Oooops.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
"Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those you hold well.".
Josh Billings
JOKE OF THE WEEK:
One night, a father overheard his son saying his prayers:
"God bless Mommy, Daddy, & Grandma .......... Goodbye Grandpa.".
The father thought this was strange, but soon forgot about it. The next day, the Grandfather died. About a month or so later, the father again heard his son's prayers:
"God bless Mommy & Daddy ........... Goodbye Grandma.".
The next day, the Grandmother died. The father obviously began to worry about the situation.
Two weeks later, the father again heard his son praying:
"God bless Mommy ............ Goodbye Daddy."
This alone nearly gave the father a heart attack. The next morning, without saying anything, he got up early and went to work. He stayed in his office all day, as he was too scared to venture outside, and he sat at his desk worrying whether he would be the next to go.
Finally, after midnight he was still alive, so he went home. He crawled into bed with his wife and apologised to her:
"I'm sorry honey, I've had a really bad day.",
To which the wife replied:
"YOU think YOU had a bad day?" his wife yelled. "The mailman dropped dead on the porch this morning!"
The Phantom