Golden News
Volume 17, Number 51 - Monday 14 June 2004
The official bulletin of the Rotary Club of Kowloon Golden Mile is published
most Mondays and is distributed to all club members, District officials and
to "friends of KGM".

Winner "Best English Language Bulletin" in District 3450, 2001/2002
This Week's Meeting:
 
 
Our guest speaker this week is Mr. Tim Spencer and the topic is "Making a violin".

 
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From Under The Kitchen Sink:

At the time of sending out this bulletin, our spy in the Holiday Inn kitchen, Vincent "You Want Fries With That?" Lam, hadn't yet informed us about this week's fare, so it's anybody's guess.

 
Milestones:

 
As there are no KGM members celebrating a birthday this week, we thought we'd give you some current KGM membership trivia:
 
25 Chinese members (44%)
16 Indian members (28%)
16 NINC members (28%)
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57 Total membership, comprised of 39 Lads (68%) and 18 Ladies (32%).
 
However both the outgoing and incoming BOD is 47% Ladies, so we all know who's doing the lion's share of the work.
 
During the year, we gained 6 new members and lost 6 members, so no change to our year-on-year total.

 
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KGM Induction Anniversary:
 
PP Bryan Van Dale was inducted into KGM 12 years ago on 17 June 1992.
 
 
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Congratulations to IPP Nanu "Nanu" Lachman and his charming wife Deepa on the birth of their first grandchild.

Frankly speaking, we always thought Deepa was Nanu's daughter (cradle-snatcher!), and that Nanu had been a grandfather for 20 years already, but I guess appearances can be deceiving :-)
 
 
BOD Meeting - Next week:
 

KGM BOD Members are reminded that the last BOD meeting of the current Rotary year will be held at 6:30 p.m., Monday 21 June 2004, at the 2/F, Holiday Inn Golden Mile hotel.
 
If you can't attend, call KGM President Patricia "Iron Lady" Blair on 9312 3606, or you will be spanked (Brian Hodgson - get that smile off your face).
 
 
 
Semi-Annual Dues:
 

Yes folks, it's time once again to pay your dues of $1,500 for the period 1 July to 31 December 2004, and you have two payment options:

1) By cash handed directly to KGM Treasurer Rajiv "Show Me The Money" Makhija;
 
2) By cheque payable to "Rotary Club of Kowloon Golden Mile" mailed to P.O. Box 98129, Tsimshatsui, Kowloon.
 
If you elect to pay by cheque, remember to clearly write your name on the back of the cheque, because our overworked and unpaid Treasurer doesn't always know which company name belongs to which member.



Fellowship News:


Following hotly on the tails of the highly successful Indian Night last Friday evening, our Cultural Attaché to Dubai, Brian "Osama Bin Drinkin'" Hodgson, reminds everybody that the annual NINC Night will be held from 7:00 p.m. this Saturday 19 June at (or quite possibly "in"), the Rooftop Pool of the Holiday Inn Golden Mile.

Special thanks go to our old mate Ted "Basil" Durham, for his exceptional assistance with this event (not only has he actually dipped his toe in the water to check for Piranha, Ted is generously sponsoring our live music). We need more guys like Ted.
 
As usual, the event is hosted by our enthusiastic NINC members, which means that our Chinese and Indian members get in for free (but please don't eat or drink too much, because all the NINCs are on welfare). Anyway, there will be a BBQ. There will be games. There will be a quiz. There will be dancing girls. Well at least I hope there'll be dancing girls .......
 
KGM members attending this event should contact Brian Hodgson on telephone 9191 7508 ASAP. He may need to order extra fries.
 
 
Attendance - Group Make Up: 
 

Our young mate "Lady" Diana Yeung informs us that she's organised yet another Group Make Up on Monday 21 June at the regular meeting of the RC Victoria, who meet 12:30pm at the world famous Dotcod Restaurant, in the basement of the Prince's Building, Central.
 
KGM Group Make Ups are the most fun thing you can do in a group without having to remove your clothing, and are primarily organised for KGM members who are falling behind in their attendance (you know who you are).
 
Members interested in attending can obviously just show up, but it would be nice to forewarn Lady Diana by calling her on 9889 9908.

 
International Service:  
 
 
Our old mate David "Hip-Hop" Harilela has organised a visit to the RC Shanghai from 25 to 27 June 2004.
 
David has negotiated a special price of only $5,388 per person, which includes return economy class airfare on Dragonair, airport transfers, deluxe twin-share accommodation at the Ritz Carlton Hotel and breakfast. There's a surcharge for those who have personal hygiene issues and need their own room.
 
If you're interested in attending, contact David on telephone 9168 8333 or by email for further details.

 
District 3450 Events:
 
  • District PP Dinner, Tuesday 15 June 2004 - details
  • District Installation, Monday 5 July 2004 - details - (to be hosted by the Reverend Sun Myung Moon)
  • This space for rent. Call 1-800-SNOOZE for details.
 
Rotary International News:
 
 
New: Get regular updates on the RI 2004 Council on Legislation - here
 
Repeat: Visit the web pages of incoming RI President Glenn E. Estess Jr. - here
 
Repeat: Order the Rotary Centennial book online - here
 

In other RI news:
 
1. Learn about the various Rotary International Programs on the RI website - details.
 
2. Read all about the ongoing plans for the RI Centennial in 2005 - details.

3. Visit the website of Rotary International President Jonathan Majiyagbe - details.
 
 
Rotary Information: 
 

Sponsoring a New Member: The bylaws of Rotary clearly outline the procedure for proposing someone for Rotary club membership. The “proposer” or sponsor is the key person in the growth and advancement of Rotary. Without a sponsor, an individual will never have the opportunity to become a Rotarian. Individuals must be asked to join Rotary; thus, it is every member’s responsibility to identify and invite prospective members. 

The task of the sponsor should not end merely by submitting a name to the club secretary or membership committee. Rotary has not established formal responsibilities for sponsors; however, these procedures are recommended in many clubs. The sponsor should
 
1.       Invite a prospective member to several meetings prior to proposing the individual for membership;
2.       Accompany the prospective new member to one or more orientation/informational meetings;
3.       Introduce the new member to other club members each week for the first month;
4.       Encourage the new member to become involved in any club service projects underway;
5.       Invite the new member to attend meetings of the Interact or Rotaract clubs sponsored by the club;
6.       Provide opportunities for the new member to get involved in international program efforts;
7.       Invite the new member to accompany the sponsor to neighboring clubs for a first make-up meeting;
8.       Ask the new member and spouse to accompany the sponsor to the club’s social activities;
9.       Serve as a special friend to assure that the new member becomes an active Rotarian. 
 
When a new member becomes involved and connected, both Rotary and the new member become stronger.
From The Mailbox:
 
 
Given the incredible amount of challenging questions received each week by The Phantom, many of which he is not qualified to answer, a number of experts in their field have been recruited to assist, and this week is the first installment of what we hope to be a regular "From The Mailbox" feature of the Golden News. Note that similar questions have been grouped together, if a common reply is valid.
 
Question: Since my husband and I (had a baby / hired a maid / asked my mother to live with us), we find it increasingly difficult to enjoy a bit of rumpy-bumpy now and then, because we've discovered that, er, sounds can be heard from outside our bedroom, and this is embarrassing. What should we do?
 
Answer (supplied by Dame Edna Everidge): Hello Possums, well I know exactly what you mean. Before he passed away from complications arising due to blockages in his plumbing, my beloved husband Norm and I used to have the odd bout of tantric tummy thumping, even when it wasn't his (or the Queen's) birthday. However it became increasingly difficult to do so after my personal assistant and bridesmaid Madge moved in with us after she was dumped by Spiro Hopontopovus from the Athens Fish & Chip Shop and Haberdashery.

Anyway, Possum, the best advice I can give is to do what Norm and I used to do. Either lace your listener's bedtime Hot Chocolate with a good dose of laxatives, so that they can keep themselves occupied for the night, or get a room at the Holiday Inn (which, frankly, proved to be expensive for the 3 minutes poor old Norm needed, but they did have HBO).

 
 
Golden Smile: 
 

Contributed by Vincent "No, I won't quit my day job to take up comedy" Lam:
 
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
 
2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.  One says, "I've lost my electron."  The other says, "Are you sure?"  The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
 
3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
 
4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
 
5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
 
6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
 
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
 
8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"  "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.", says the Doctor. "Is it common?", asks the patient.  The doctor replies "It's Not Unusual."
 
9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field.  Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."  "I don't believe you," said Dolly.  "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
 
10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.  The kids were nothing to look at either.
 
11. Deja Moo:  The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
 
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for him?"  "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."  So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes.  Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."  "What?  Because he's cross-eyed?"  "No, because he's really heavy."
 
13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese.  And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them.  It's either my mom or my dad or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger brother Ho-Chin.  But I'm pretty sure it's Calvin. (for humour fans out there, this was actually written by Tommy Cooper)
 
14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
 
15. I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.  He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
 
16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.  He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"   The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
 
17. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
 
18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
 
19. What do you call a fish with no eyes?  A fsh.
 
20. Two termites walk into a bar.  One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

 
Quotable Quotes:

 
"You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your art of war".

Napoleon Bonaparte
 
 
Bumper Sticker Of The Week:
 
 




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 The Phantom
 

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